9:49pm: suddenly aware of hunger. peeled orange. Might cover up cigarette smell, good. Remember yesterday when ex-boyfriend said he thought it was gross when people ate citrus fruits, and my recent switching to only buying oranges around him when I want fruit because he has said things about how pre-cut fruit in containers was ‘poisonous,’ because the cutting leading to oxygenating areas of the fruit and them decaying faster.

10:22pm: no one seemed to be in apartment. Combed hair with fingers in full-length mirror. Looked for ‘most visible spot’ to place ex-boyfriend’s phone. Alvie made chirping sounds. He found me and walked in an infinity symbol-pattern between my feet. When I kneeled to pet him he rolled on his back and pushed his body into the areas my hands touched him. Thought ‘petting me back.’ Stood in kitchen with lights off and drank remaining morning coffee. Ex-boyfriend emailed that he was at the library and I could come if I wanted ‘stanky leg’ but if not that’s fine, thanked me for ‘going above and beyond,’ bringing back phone. Sitting at kitchen table now, unsure what to do. Took a picture of Shirley on my leg and Alvie looking ‘caught in the act.’

10:51pm: called mom to say I’m coming home. Responded to a text message. Fed cats. Snorted most of remaining heroin. Watched little particles puff in the lights and mix with dust.

10:57PM: heard keys and the first floor door and decided that was my cue to leave. listened to a few more people enter building, but none of their sounds felt like the ‘lucky sound’ to cue me to leave. opened door to ex-boyfriend, grinning and carrying a black plastic bag. exchanged sitcom-y looks and variations of ‘well, look at who it is’ as neither of us followed nor lead the other, i think, to the spot where it felt right to stop and hug.

he said ‘so peg, you peg much while i was gone?’ i said ‘yeah. i’m pegging you right now. you think that’s your dick but that’s actually how hard i’m pegging you. you don’t even know.’

11–11:30PM: sat side-by-side on kitchen table bench, talking normally but something felt different. one of us joked about my parents making a crucial oversight about birth control—something they could mistakenly, but very possibly truly, think. i said ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.’ ex-boyfriend paused for a moment. he said ‘japanese people don’t just say ‘apple.’ their word for ‘apple’ is like, ‘the most visible apple one sees after it has grown and fallen from apple tree.”

talked about the pricing and label of his miller milwauke’s best 40oz. i said ‘is the. why is it blue, is it like, supposed to tell us it’s an ice thing? cold? arctic?’ he smiled and said ‘huh. yeah, what the hell is that?’