•  ordered seaweed salad, salmon/avocado/cucumber roll, shrimp tempura roll, spicy scallop roll from o’sake (which, according to google maps, is 0.3 miles from me but i got delivery to avoid interacting with people at the block party)

•  food came fast

•  texted with willis and made plans to hang out at the beach on monday (aug 5). felt solid about plans, like ‘yes, there is enough planning, neither of us will flake, i want to go to the beach more before summer ends and hang out with willis, this is a great opportunity to do both of those things’

•  colin knocked on my door again as i was unpacking. he had a friend. he’s told me about the friend, reggie. they met during hurricane sandy. reggie said he was hiding in his closet reading bible verses during the storm. that’s how colin found him. colin told me where he was moving and i said ‘oh i go the library near there’ and he and reggie looked surprised in a way that surprised me. colin said we should hang out if/when i’m around there and i believed him. he is a good person i think. reggie too. once we were talking i liked talking. stood by my door and talked with them for a few minutes, feeling some kind of…it was similar to the vestigial guilt about michael’s facebook message i didn’t respond to. like ‘i was never there, so how can i feel regret,’ but still. i don’t know. felt sad that colin was leaving, even though i think our last long-ish minimally awkward conversation was in may, at his ‘welcome to the building dinner’ with the ex-MTA wheelchair man and the fancy food student from the fourth floor. colin gave me a newspaper where he was quoted, saying something about rockaway park. he said ‘i want to give you this’ and showed me the page where the article was before handing it to me. i looked at it. he said he and reggie were going to a bar soon. i said i wanted to stay in, my food had just arrived. he said it would only be for like, an hour. i said ‘i’m really feeling kind of [noise like ‘eeuurruh’ with ‘icky face’ and ‘vague hand movement’].’ he seemed to understand. it felt good to just say i wasn’t feeling like going out. sat in bed and realized it’s normal to say ‘i don’t want to go out tonight, i don’t feel social.’ that is a perfectly normal thing to say.

•  think i ate xanax and watched TV. yes. i did that. i watched the news.

AUGUST 4, 2013