1:37AM: zachary, then a number i didn’t recognize called. called zachary back. he’s at a ramada inn in queens with stephen. at some point i said ‘you guys should just come here’ and he said ‘i wouldn’t do that.’ he put stephen on the phone. i said ‘mo rocca inn’ or ‘ramada mo rocca.’ stephen said they ate burger king and drank dom perignon with his parents. told him about finding the chartreuse on the street and he knew, zachary had forwarded him my email. i said i couldn’t open the bottle. he said he could open it. zachary was on the phone again. he said ‘so you got your macbook pro,’ then an address, then ‘that’s how it’s like in queens, it’s like [number] dash [something].’ typed addresses in google maps. he said ‘if it’s going to be more than twenty minutes i mean, don’t do it.’ directions loaded. i said ‘google says thirty minutes,’ ‘and also my car is ten blocks away,’ ‘and also i’d like to shower before.’ he said ‘no you can shower after i do stuff to you.’ looked in mirror. pulled elastic ponytail holder and watched greasy hair fall to shoulders. thought ‘he likes it better ‘down.”

asked if he was drunk and he said ‘am i drunk? are you talking to me?’ he asked if i was on birth control and i said ‘yes’ and he said ‘well definitely come over.’ i said ‘i don’t want to do it with stephen in the room’ and he said ‘stephen needs to get ice.’ i said i would come.

1:42AM: put hairbrush back on sink. stood. didn’t know what i wanted to do. looked at things in bathroom. thought ‘i should refill it with a new toilet paper roll, for in the morning. i’ll want that.’

1:43AM: called zachary. asked if he’d had sex with anyone since the last time i saw him. he said he had, with two people. asked when. he said ‘like, i don’t know, six-to-twelve hours ago.’ i said ‘oh. okay, i don’t think i can have sex with you then, i don’t want to come over, i’m sorry.’ he said something i forget. we hung up.