10:25AM: THIS IS THE HOUSE WHERE SEVEN STRANGERS STOP BEING POLITE AND START GETTING REAL:

•  procure continuous water flow device for alvie

•  interesting: can see ‘rips’/dots or something, kind of hot red-colored. they seem to be on the same layer of my eyes that the neon orange and icy blue overlays were. focusing eyes on the rips or on any of the shapes makes me feel dizzying/not-unpleasant vertigo thing, like when my lips felt pins and needles-y on top of each other. have not been thinking since the word ‘vertigo.’ i like, told another part of me ‘write about the lip thing’ and stepped away for a moment

•  mail the goddamned packages

•  was going to say ‘exercise’ but man i don’t know

11:27PM: isn’t it a little odd that i know what noise music is but [everything else about my life]…think zachary said something like that first as well.

11:54AM: dad left. sad when he left all of a sudden. he seemed happy today, it was nice to see him like that. he said he wouldn’t have cared about his birthday but he liked my card and decorations. ‘emily has problems with eating.’

11:57AM: immediate plans, big time punisher plans—not the healthiest, i am aware this is not the healthiest plan—yes i have been informed of the risks and i give my consent not to have a colposcopy—

IMMEDIATE PLANS:

•  eat 30mg adderall

•  beast out emails

•  beast out packages

•  mail that shit

•  obtain continuous water flow device

•  exercise?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!!?!!!?!?!

12:20PM: drinking coffee. heart pounding. holding off on adderall, coffee is doing the trick. just like how it does with normal people. craving the feeling of being on more adderall. think i can see inverse image of rear view window in upper half of peripheral vision, mostly right side, there is a light up there and movement. why does adderall fuck up your eyes. jaggedy. shit this shit isn’t healthy. next week will be for being healthy, this week was focused on ‘do tasks you said you would do.’ WHICH YOU HAVE YET TO DO. you are allowed one pack of cigarettes before switching to e-cigarette. you don’t need to know why i am allowing you this. i am allowing it because i make the rules and you do as i say.

12:31PM: do people know when i’m not being serious? that’s why i can say stuff like that…making fun of my horrendously slow plight to do things that used to feel regular to me. 2:57PM marks 48-hour awake period, now i’m ready to play basketball. i’m a real sherman shanty. i’m shoe city. a real, how you say, ‘lender’s bagels.’ your textbook h&r block, that’s me. they make an h&r block drive thru, i think i’ve seen that. majesty. pray for your baby at 2:57PM, baby better be knocking em off that immediate tasks list by then.