‘Are you feeling okay?’ He momentarily looked up from his dinner.

‘I’m just tired,’ I said. ‘The nights of broken sleep are catching up with me.’

‘Sure,’ he shrugged, as if it were no biggie. ‘Although I’ll have to be up and out early tomorrow.’

I had read about the fourth trimester and, although coming to the end of it, I knew my hormones might have had something to do with me feeling sensitive today. But Jason definitely wasn’t engaging with me like normal and I wondered why.

That evening, when I made up my bed on the sofa in the living room – Jason having already gone to bed, in anticipation of getting some shut-eye before Joni’s night feed – I noticed he had left his phone on the coffee table. Ordinarily I would have just moved it into the kitchen and put in on charge for him, but this evening something compelled me to take a look.

I scrolled through his WhatsApp messages. There were several work threads to do with applications and technical terms I couldn’t understand. Plus a thread with Peter, in which Jason had been querying the overtime he was to be paid this month.

There were some chats with his mum and sister, mostly containing photos of Joni, and their cooing comments back. Jason’s enthusiasm to pass on some of Joni’s developments with them was encouraging; it showed he was genuinely embracing being a new dad.

I moved to his text messages. There was nothing of interest, except one that he had sent to an unknown number, just a series of digits against which there was no name.

Okay, this evening. Let’s talk.

That was all it said. It had been sent a week ago and whoever it was intended for had not replied.

I tried to brush it off, but there was something about this mystery message which made my heart rate quicken.

Then I was distracted by an alert on my own phone. It was from Will. He had noticed an advert in the window of a local pottery shop about sessions for ‘baby imprints’ and discounts for groups. He posted a photo of the ad to the group.

Will: Could be a fun activity to do together – create crockery for ourselves or gifts for relatives?

Susie was the first to respond:

Ooh yes, have been meaning to create some imprints – they look so cute. Count me in if we can make it Tuesday to Thursday – we’re having a long weekend away! Xx

We had asked Tara to be Joni’s godmother and she had accepted, so this appealed to me as the ideal little gift for her.

Me: Sounds good. Joni and I would love to come x

Lucy: Sure. Lx

Helen had gone strangely quiet on the thread and was the last to respond late that evening with the final yes. A date was set for the following Tuesday.

In the end, I didn’t sleep any better on the couch as I would have done in bed. I still found myself waking every few hours when I heard Joni stir and Jason clank around in the kitchen making her bottle. It was as though I was tied to Joni with an invisible string. It wasn’t easy, but I resisted the temptation to get up and see whether Jason needed any help; he would have to work things out for himself.