‘Problems?’ I examined his features.

‘The kids thing… We both want it, I think. But I’m scared. I’m worried about whether it will happen, and if it does, if I will be good enough.’

‘Good enough? Of course you’re good enough,’ I said.

‘But to be a father,’ he replied. ‘Do I have what it takes to support a family – both emotionally,’ he paused for a moment, ‘and financially. The responsibility scares me.’

His phone rang and he picked it up and looked at the screen.

‘Talk of the devil,’ he said, before stopping the call and replacing his phone, screen down on the table.

‘Do you need to call her?’

‘Later,’ he said.

‘Of course you’re enough,’ I told him, surprised about the extent to which he had opened up so quickly. ‘She married you, didn’t she? For better, for worse. I’m sure she doesn’t care about your earning potential when it comes to having a child. It’s love that really matters.’

‘I know,’ he nodded. ‘I need to “man up” I guess.’ He coughed, a little embarrassed. ‘Thank you for the pep talk. Let’s change the subject.’

It was almost like old times except, of course, for the great stomping elephant in the room: the reason why we split up all those years ago. I ached to bring up the subject of us.

‘My turn to get a round,’ I said, pushing out my chair and picking up my bag. I knew it wasn’t a good idea to be drinking, but I didn’t feel drunk; two or three glasses of wine between old friends couldn’t hurt.

When I returned, the corners of his mouth turned up. ‘Anyway, what we haven’t discussed yet is why you so cruelly dumped me all those years ago?’ he said, as if he had read my mind. He looked at me intensely. I took it as an acknowledgement of how much time had passed, and what we once meant to each other. I thought I saw a flicker of longing in his eyes.

‘Still scarred, are you?’ I replied wryly, calling his bluff.

‘It came out of the blue, took me a while to get over you, if I’m honest.’ He propped his elbow on the back of his chair and leant his cheek into his hand. ‘First love – cuts the deepest…’ He stared at me in wonderment, like he once used to.

‘I do have an answer to your question though,’ I said, starting the sentence before I knew how it was going to end. And then it was left there, resting for a moment in the air between us, like a ring of smoke from years gone by.

He fixed me with those eyes. The eyes I wanted to dive right into and lose myself in, never to re-emerge. I could have swum in those eyes forever. No life jacket needed. A warmth filled my cheeks. I almost wanted to cry. I took a deep breath.

‘It was complicated,’ I began. ‘We were young.’