“I get it. Chemical processes. It would overwhelm you if I described the exact processes. Or do you want me to?” said Karen, full of hope to be able to deliver a long lecture.

“Nah, never mind,” Don answered.

“Fine. So,” Karen continued. “Puberty is like saying goodbye to a dear friend. To yourself. At some point you’ll be healthy again, like after a cold. It just takes a few years. During which time it’s essential not to make any mistakes.” That in theory Don knew everything about her bodily condition helped very little. She sat on her bed with nervous fidgety legs and began to get interested in the world of pornography. She saw: Man-fucks-woman porn. Many-men-fuck-woman porn. Man-fucks-bound-woman porn. Man-fucks-dog-and-chicken porn. She found the films unsatisfying on various levels, including in the area of language. After the bestiality category, Don landed on hot lesbian sex. Don was fascinated. To put it in a neutral way. She began to fantasize about women. Or more precisely, the illustrations of her awkward imaginings revolved exclusively around

HANNAH

Whom Don had met upstairs in the 1.0 world. The way children get to know each other. Don was standing in the yard, watching the new Stefflon Don video on her phone, Stefflon Don being the person our Don, whose actual name was Donatella, had named herself after. Stefflon Don rapped about diamonds and a Rolls-Royce. Hannah came up to her and said: “That’s shit music.” Shortly thereafter the two of them fell to the ground fighting.

They’d been friends ever since. It made everything bearable for Hannah, because now she had a daylight life and a cellar life. Speaking of which—whenever Hannah thought she had mastered the layout of residents in the cellar apartments, they’d be swapped out as if overnight. Only her father was always there, like he was stuffed.

Since he’d discovered the internet, he never moved. He showed Hannah cat videos. Just picture it—two people in an English basement which a real estate ad would probably describe as a “charming pied-à-terre with cable TV in the heart of the city,” looking at videos of cats in boxes made by people in Asia who were probably also stuck in some basement. The internet—what a magnificent, world-embracing invention. Where people could self-actualize.