Back Grime
Chapters (69)
  1. Copyright Notice
  2. THE MILLENNIUM
  3. DON
  4. HANNAH
  5. KAREN
  6. DON’S MOTHER
  7. PETER
  8. THE MOTHER
  9. DR. BROWN
  10. HANNAH’S FATHER
  11. SERGEJ
  12. MOTHER
  13. THE RUSSIAN
  14. THOME
  15. THE RED DEER
  16. THOME’S FATHER
  17. WALTER
  18. KAREN’S BIG BROTHER
  19. PATUK
  20. OLD WOMAN
  21. POLICEWOMAN
  22. BEFORE THE INTERMISSION
  23. INTERMISSION
  24. HUMANITY
  25. SIR ERNEST (EARL)
  26. COMMUNICATIONS CONSULTANT
  27. PROGRAMMER
  28. MA WEI
  29. CARL
  30. THE FRIENDS (BEN, KEMAL, PAVEL, MAGGY, RACHEL)
  31. BODYCAM MAN
  32. MAGGY
  33. MR. M.
  34. ROGER
  35. THE AVERAGE ENGLISHMAN
  36. THE LAB DIRECTOR
  37. HONEST MAN
  38. JOB NOMADS
  39. COURIER
  40. BOXER
  41. ATTACKERS
  42. THE EIGHT-YEAR-OLD PROSTITUTE
  43. KEVIN
  44. SWEATING MAN
  45. BERTA AND HENRY’S
  46. RACHEL
  47. YOUNG MEN
  48. ARTHUR
  49. STUDENT
  50. ROB
  51. A WOMAN
  52. PHILOSOPHER
  53. THE MATTRESS SELLER
  54. ABDULLAH B.
  55. THE PRO-LIFERS
  56. PROFESSOR DR. KUHN
  57. JON
  58. PROFESSOR
  59. MIDDLE-AGED TEACHER
  60. WOMAN WITH THE THINNING HAIR
  61. BANKER
  62. THE CHILD
  63. THE NEW PRIME MINISTER
  64. MADAME CECILIE
  65. THE JOURNALIST
  66. THE WORLD
  67. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  68. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  69. Newsletter Sign-up

“This is the programmer,” says Thome, “I forgot that we still—doesn’t matter.” Thome thinks he’ll fire the programmer. Or push him out the window, but first he’ll make canapés. “I’ll make a few canapés,” says Thome, leaving the redhead behind with Peter. The programmer stands awkwardly in the room, looks around, looks at a porcelain dog. What an incredibly daft porcelain dog; why do people put that sort of shit in their flats, what would make them do that? Why do they put side tables with tablecloths in their flats and books that they will never read on coffee tables, in order to show that they’re capable of placing a fucking book on a table? “I’ve built myself a machine that irons my trousers and brings them to me.” Says the programmer to the wall. “Amazing,” says Peter.

“Indeed.” Says the programmer. “I have a brain extension.” Peter says nothing.

“Here, look, a chip, in my head.” This ageless person, utterly devoid of gender traits, who could as well have been a giant infant or mummified, displays a shaved spot in his thinning hair. Peter says nothing. The programmer doesn’t notice; he has an unpleasant lack of timidity. He’s one of those people who became powerful too quickly but who mistrusts power and must constantly try to increase his own sense of worth with stuff that in earlier times might have been compared to engineering expertise. A technician with mathematical abilities, lucky enough to live at a time when the middle class was being replaced. The old middle class will be rolled into the category of societal parasite, the parasites will die off, and the programmer will live as comfortably as a middle manager at an insurance company would have in the past. He’ll mortgage a flat where previously a middle manager at an insurance company or perhaps a doctor’s assistant or architect had lived but who now lives in social housing and is old. He’ll buy a second electric vehicle for his spouse. In place of unattractive men before him, this unattractive person will create the world in his image, which means: it will become even more unaesthetic and middling. “So, right, here, I’ll show you the last thing I masterminded the programming of.” Says the programmer.

“Masterminded?” asks Peter.

Brief pause. “Yes,” says the programmer.

The programmer pulls his laptop from his rucksack; a paranoid programmer would never take so much as a step without his laptop, the NSA, you know, the Trojan whatever. He squats in front of Peter and shows him the website of a political party.