I followed the tech back while she asked all the usual questions. Once I was on the exam table with a stomach covered in a porn set’s worth of lube, she placed the wand on my stomach but kept the screen away from me.

I’m dying.

I’m going to have a heart attack.

I’m dying before I get to taste those cupcakes.

“Everything looks good so far, Mama,” she said. “I’ll have Dad brought back.”

Dad.

Fuckin’ Dad.

“Not Dad,” I forced out through the vile, bitter lump in my throat.

There’s supposed to be a note in my file. Dr. Cubio assured me it’d be added.

“You don’t want him to come back? That’s okay, hun, we’ve got a script of excuses we use.”

Realizing how she’d interpreted my words, I shook my head. “He’s not the dad, but I do want him back here.”

So bad.

Sooo bad.

Otherwise, there was a strong chance all those carefully constructed mental boxes would come apart.

And take me with them.

The tech gave me an apologetic smile as she stood. “I’ll be back.”

I took a few deep breaths, needing to calm down before Ward got in. I couldn’t see my face, but it was a safe bet I looked upset. With the way he could read me, he’d be able to tell in an instant.

Sure enough, even with the few moments of calm, Ward’s gaze narrowed as soon as he saw me. He sat at the chair by my side, his hands going to my arm and head. “You okay, baby?”

“Just excited.” It wasn’t a lie. Seeing Squish was what I wanted to focus on, not the past.

After turning on the TV mounted to the wall in front of me, another vat of jelly was dumped on my stomach. The tech rubbed the wand through it, and there they were.

Squish.

My Squish.

It was only the third scan I’d had. The first one was when Squish was just a little blob. The second time, I’d been too worried to enjoy it.

That time was different, though.

I lost my breath at how a staticky image could be so amazing. How I could love it so much.

Ward’s hand on my arm tightened, and when I glanced at him, his focus was glued to the TV. He must’ve felt my eyes on him because he shifted his gaze to me and smiled. “Beautiful, baby. So damn beautiful.”

So much wonder and awe filled his face that I found myself splitting my attention between the screen and Ward. He grinned every time Squish kicked or rolled or hid their face behind their arms.

The tech measured all the body parts and played the heartbeat that was prettier than any song in the world. “Want to know the sex?”

It was supposed to be a surprise.