She took a deep breath and got lost in Rob’s music, in his voice, and rode on the wave of his energy, just like she used to. Then she was remembering him backstage after shows, high on adrenaline. Magnetic. Powerful. And all of a sudden there was a pit in her stomach. What would it be like to see him again? How would she feel? Would it expose cracks in herself she didn’t even know were there?

33

When the show ended, a woman dressed all in black came over to Emily and invited her backstage.

“It’s okay,” Emily said. “I can wait for him out here.” She was trying to keep her distance. Trying not to get too swept up in the drama of the evening, the choreography of the night. She could wait here, with easy access to the door.

“Are you sure?” the woman asked. “He really wants to see you.”

“I know,” Emily said. “I promise I won’t go anywhere.”

—

She sat at the bar drinking a club soda, wondering if she should go, despite her promise. If she should leave before she saw him. There was so much between them that she’d buried in her journal, so many healed-over wounds that she didn’t want to open up again. But he’d written a song about her. And she’d promised she’d stay. And she should at least tell him how much she enjoyed his show. Plus she was curious. Curiosity killed the cat, her father used to say. But her mother would shush him. Curious people are the most interesting, she’d say. Emily hadn’t been curious about much in the last few years, but she was curious about Rob. About what he wanted to say to her.

She was playing with the straw in her soda when she heard his voice, deep and warm, behind her. “You’re still here,” he said. He’d dropped the drawl. Sounded more like himself.

She turned around. “I’m still here.”

His face had aged like hers had—more visibly in person than on the headshot on his website—and he carried sadness in his eyes, too.

He pulled her in for a hug, and it took everything she had not to rest her head against his shoulder before pulling away. He smelled exactly the way he used to. Pine-scented soap mixed with hair pomade and something else that was entirely him. The scent transported her into her former self, into an overwhelming rush of memories. She focused on the now.