He looked at me carefully, like he’d been having this conversation in his head for days. “I want you to make whatever decision feels right to you. It’s your body. I don’t want you to make a decision because you think it’s the one I want you to make, and then regret it. I’ll be here no matter what.”

I leaned over and kissed him. Even though I felt unlucky for so many reasons, in that moment, I felt so lucky that he was the man I was going through this with.

We kissed until your grandfather’s voice pierced the quiet winter sky calling us in for dinner.

And that was when everything went wrong.

17

When Emily stood up to get her coat to head home for the day, she made it only two steps before the intensity of the cramp in her stomach made her pause. She put her hand on the bookshelf to steady herself, her back hunched forward in an effort to stave off more pain.

She looked up and saw Priya in the door frame of her office, her coat on, her bag in hand, ready to head home.

“Are you okay?” Priya asked. The two women shared a wall between their offices. And sometimes shared lunch or a walk to the subway, too. Priya had come to ask if Emily was ready to leave for the day.

Emily shook her head. “I think I’m having a miscarriage,” she said.

xiv

Your dad climbed down the tree house first.

“Be careful,” he said. “Some of this wood feels rotted through.”

I knew I didn’t have to use the ladder.

“Want to see how I used to get down?” I called out the door.

“What are you talking about?” he called back.

I climbed out the window and lowered myself onto the branch below.

“Queenie?” he said. “What are you doing?”

“This branch was my elevator,” I told him. “Once I get close to the end, my weight bends it low enough to the ground that I can hop right off.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?” he asked as I started walking, my arms out for balance.

“I did this all the time,” I said, as I walked farther from the trunk. But the branch didn’t feel as supple as it used to. It wasn’t bending the way I remembered. I took another step.

And then the branch gave way. My body swung as I grabbed for the tree, but my fingers couldn’t find purchase. I was falling.

“Rob!!!” I screamed.

“Shit!” I heard him yell.

He must’ve tried to break my fall, because the next thing I knew, I landed half on him, half on the ground, my wrist snapped back, my fingers underneath, his knee pushing straight into my stomach, knocking the wind out of me.

I couldn’t breathe.

The pain in my hand was excruciating.