Emily waited in line to board her plane, still convincing herself that this was the right choice. She’d told herself that when she’d showed up at JFK, when she quickly checked in for her flight, when she raced through security. And she kept telling herself that when she made it to the end of the line just as her boarding group was called.

Sitting in row 17, seat B, she was still having second thoughts.

But the music was calling to her. She needed to find out if she should really resurrect her dream. If this life was what she wanted.

She wondered what Dr. West would make of this. What would Emily herself think if a patient had told her this story? Reckless behavior, poor decision making. She’d wonder about bipolar disorder, but she didn’t fit the rest of the criteria for that. Maybe some sort of postmiscarriage hormone imbalance. Or a not-quite midlife crisis. Or maybe she was simply calling out for attention, calling out for help.

She should go back into therapy. When she got back, she would. She needed help, the same way she did when she was in college. But that was for later. For now, she was going to play music in Mexico.

She turned her phone back on to call Priya before takeoff, not looking at or listening to the messages from Ari. She left Priya a voice mail: “I’m going to be gone tomorrow, maybe the next day. There’s a lot to talk about. Sorry I’m missing the staff development thing. I went to Mexico.” Then she turned her phone off again.

Emily wondered if Priya would guess the truth, that she was somewhere with Rob, or if she would assume that Emily and Ezra had gone for a quick trip together to patch things up after losing the baby. That was what she should be doing. But the thought of fighting with him right now was too overwhelming—what if they reached the end of the argument and she lost him completely? What if their relationship changed in a way she didn’t want? She knew that difficult circumstances either pulled people together or broke them apart. That two people had to consciously decide to make things work. Was she deciding not to make this work? Or was this just a step on her journey of figuring out what she wanted to make work? How to make things work?

Even if she chose Ezra over music, he’d have to choose her.

After everything he said, she wasn’t completely sure if he would.

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