Do souls grow older when they’re not on this plane? Do souls even have an age? I imagine my mother always at the age she was when she died, but I always imagine you getting older. Perhaps it’s neither one of those things. Perhaps a soul is a soul. Perhaps it exists in the body in a fully formed state, relearning the world around it until it’s once again set free. If that’s true, I hope you’ve met your grandmother. I hope you’ve met your little brother or sister, the one I lost last year. Eden. Or Edward.

If you were here, with us, on Earth, I’d ask your opinion on what to name your new sister.

—

Your father wrote another hit single. It’s about you, actually. He sent me the song after he recorded it. It’s called “Lost Angel,” and from the lyrics it’s hard to know exactly what he was writing about. But once he told me, it was easy to see.

I’m still the theme of his life, he said.

He’s still not the theme of mine.

But I’m hoping that my theme is changing. That instead of looking back and seeing only loss, what I’ll see instead is love.

I loved him, I love the baby I’m carrying and the ones I lost. I love Ezra. I love my parents, my friends, my sister, music.

My life has always been filled with love. I just didn’t know where to look for it.

It’s taken me thirty-four years to figure it out.

I’m glad I did.

In your father’s song for you, he sings about a lost angel watching over those he loves. If he’s right, if that’s true, please watch over your sister. Please keep her safe.

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to do that for you.

But I’ll remember you forever.

I’ll keep your memory safe.

In my heart, you’ll never be lost.

acknowledgments

I started writing this book a few months before my husband, Andrew, and I got engaged, and continued working on it through most of our first year of marriage. Loving him and being with him made me think so much about the transformation that happens when two people decide to unite their lives. I feel so lucky to have found Andrew and to have grown with him over the last years, creating a life in which two became one but also remain two. I’m so grateful for his support, his excitement about my books, and—most of all—his love.