I cut him off with a kiss and then stood, reaching my hand down for his. He got up and led me to the bedroom, which I could just make out in the dim light. The bed was made; there was a glasses case on the nightstand on the left side, with a lamp, a digital clock, and a book I couldn’t read the title of.

We sat down on the edge of the bed, and then we were lying on it, and then our clothing was off and we were touching each other, skin to skin. His body was tighter and thinner out of clothes than he looked while he was wearing them.

“Look at you,” he said, pulling back for a moment. I felt seen, almost too seen, and wanted to pull my shirt back on, but then I took a deep breath and gave him the gift of my vulnerability.

He leaned over and ran his tongue around my nipple and I remembered how wonderful it felt to be intimate with someone, how powerful the connection could be when it was something you both so wanted.

He slid his finger inside me and moaned in anticipation of what was to come. I flashed back to you, to your dad, to that one time. “Do you have—” I started.

He reached into his nightstand drawer. “This?” he asked, holding up a square of foil.

“Yes,” I breathed, as he ripped it open.

When he slid inside me, it felt like the first time all over again, like my desire had been reawakened after lying dormant for so long.

Afterward he said, “I guess this means I have to marry you now.”

I looked at him, not sure how to respond.

“Just kidding,” he said. “Bad joke.”

But I wasn’t sure if he really was joking. And, actually, I kind of hoped he wasn’t.

If I married him, I could always be the person he saw me as. I could always look at myself through his eyes. I could be the helper, not the one who needed help.

The idea made me feel strong. And I wanted to feel that way forever.

39

Emily and Priya and Rob stayed while Tony closed up the bar. There had been so many people there, and it took Tony a few announcements of “final call” and “closing time!” before he could get them all to leave.

“I feel like I should give you a cut,” he said to Rob, after he locked the door.

Rob shook his head. “My pleasure, man. It was fun.”