Emily bit her lip, trying to figure out how to make him understand. “I missed feeling loved. And I miss music. I miss sharing music. I miss being on stage and finding a way to play my emotions. The idea of being able to do that again . . . it made me feel . . . electrified.” She looked up at him, the thoughts she’d been having for weeks coalescing in a decision she was sure was the right one. “I think I want to take a leave of absence from NYU. It’s been too much, recently.”

“Why would you leave your job? You love your job.”

Emily shook her head. “I don’t anymore,” she said. “And since Tessa called last night, I can’t stop thinking about how I’m probably screwing up—missing things. And what could happen if I do. I’m absorbing so much pain, all the time. I need to set it free, not take it in.”

“You’re not making any sense,” Ezra said, his face shutting down.

“I think I need to do something else for a while,” Emily said. “To become a musician again.”

Whatever empathy Ezra had felt earlier, whatever closeness they had achieved, seemed to dissipate. “So you’re saying you do want to go on tour with this guy who wrote a song about you.”

“That’s not what I said.” Emily wanted so desperately for him to understand her. “I just want music back in my life. I want something different. I want to be different.”

“But I married a ther—” Ezra started.

“You married me, Ez, without any preconditions,” Emily said softly. “And I don’t know if I want to be a therapist anymore. I don’t know if I can handle it, especially while we’re trying to have a baby, when I’m so focused on that. I’m afraid I missed something—with Zoe’s mom. What if I miss something again? If one of my patients died because I didn’t see the signs, I don’t know if I could live with myself afterward. I know your patients don’t always make it, and you can handle it, but I don’t think I can.”

“Are you saying that I—”

“I’m not saying anything about you, Ezra. I’m talking about me,” Emily said. “And . . . I want music in my life again. I want to be on stage and share—”

Ezra moved away from her on the couch. “It’s hard for me, too,” he said. “But I don’t give up. I stick it out. It’s the kind of sacrifice you make when you have the ability to save lives. We both have that ability, Emily. It doesn’t matter if it’s hard for us. That’s what Golds do. That’s what we do.”