I can’t feel my legs. I can’t feel anything past the pain in my stomach, which is slicing me in half.

Please, God, please, someone – make it stop.

I close my eyes and press harder against my stomach as if to push the pain away – right through my body and out the other side. I try to inhale, but it hurts too much. I can’t breathe in or out. Why can’t I feel my legs? Eyes still closed, I tell myself to wiggle my toes, or just one toe. Did it work? I can’t tell.

God, don’t let me die. Not like this. It hurts so much.

Warm fingers touch my cheek – and the pain fades. I open my eyes – and smile.

It’s him—

He’s lying on his side, facing me. His fingers are still on my cheek. I raise my hand to place it on his. And his fingers, his warmth, they don’t fade away like they usually do. I open my mouth to ask, ‘Am I dreaming again?’ but the words won’t come. I cannot speak.

But it doesn’t matter. He’s still smiling at me. I’m so happy to see him again. So happy. Taking hold of my hand, he places it back at my side.

Don’t leave. Please don’t leave. It’s not even hurting any more now you’re here with me.

The words exist in my head. They won’t leave my mouth. They can’t. Why can’t I speak?

Please let him know what I’m thinking.

Please, God.

If you’re up there.

Somewhere.

‘I love you, Sephy,’ he says softly.

I love you too, Callum.

I think it over and over, just as hard as I can.

I love you too. So much.

Am I hallucinating again? Conjuring him up from memories? I must be. Wait a minute … he spoke to me. He actually spoke. He’s never done that before. And, in all these years, his hands have never touched me.

This dream while I’m dying is the best one I’ve ever had. I never want it to end.

Can I go with you? Let me go with you. Please, I plead silently.

He stands up and reaches out to me. I place my hand in his. There’s nothing I can’t do when my hand is in his. I get to my feet. We smile and hold each other. Just hold each other. I exhale slowly, pain-free. And when we kiss, I’m finally warm again.

sixty-four. Tobey

Tears streamed down Callie’s cheeks as she gathered her mum in her arms. I squatted beside her, my arm round her shoulders. Callie needed to know that I was there for her. I’d always be there for her.

‘Tobey, what should I do?’ Callie pleaded.