‘Please do. I work closely with them as part of the Neighbourhood Watch. I’m sure they’d be happy to pop in. When they see the state of this place, they’ll happily contact social services. Is that what you want, Larry Layabout? Nurses in to wipe your bottom and feed you meals on wheels?’

‘No one is coming into my house,’ George hisses.

‘That’s the spirit! We can sort this place out ourselves in a jiffy.’

Who is this overbearing, nosy neon Nazi standing in his house, demanding he clean? George wonders if he’s dreaming. He’s been feeling dicky for days. His tongue is thick and furry, his head is spinning and his hands shake. He hears footsteps leaving the room, then the kitchen tap running. A glass of water is passed to him.

‘If it’s not whisky, I don’t want it.’

‘It will make you feel better.’

‘No, it won’t. My wife is dead. I’ve got a sausage-shaped dog I don’t want, and an ugly cow ranting on at me. Nothing will make me feel better.’

‘Just drink it, Doubting Thomas. Slowly.’

George snatches the water, fully intending to throw it in her face, glass and all, but then he relents and gulps it down. It tastes like nectar, like a cup of Ellen’s tea after he’s been chopping kindling in the hot sun.

‘Someone was a Thirsty Kirsty. Now then, just sit there. I’ll get you some food.’

The heavy feet plod off again. Good luck with that, George thinks. He might have said it out loud, but he’s not sure. He falls unconscious again just as the piss he’s been wanting to take all night finally seeps out and trickles warmly down his leg.

When he wakes again, he’s still in the chair but his feet are on the stool he made for Ellen after she twisted her ankle at Step class, and someone is wrapping a cuff round his arm. ‘Get off me!’ George slurs, trying to pull away.

‘It’s all right, Mr Dempsey. I’m your doctor. I just want to check you over.’

Head throbbing, too weak to fight, George finally lets himself be pulled and prodded. A cold stethoscope on his chest. Lights in his eyes, thermometer in his mouth. Needles. He is aware that the doctor is asking him questions, but before he can call him a nosy cunt, another voice pipes up.