‘No! I mean, yes. It’s just a surprise. A great surprise. An I’m-your-father surprise.’

Lizzie frowns.

‘Star Wars?’ Luke says.

‘Oh,’ Lizzie replies.

They go to the kitchen and sip the wine awkwardly, their swallows loud in the silence. Lizzie hadn’t planned it to be like this. She hadn’t planned it at all. What had she been thinking? Why had she come? She should be at home now with her son, not here, pretending to be something she isn’t with someone like Luke.

Lovely Luke, who looks at her like she’s made of glass and he doesn’t want to break her. She’s broken already. She’s jagged and she’s going to cut him too. It’s inevitable. Finally Luke puts down his glass and finds his courage.

He’s too handsome not to have some kind of game, and here it comes, a finger on her wrist, turning it over, sending a shiver up her arm. The heat of him as he moves closer, taking her glass and setting it down with care. Eyes focused on her lips, head tilted to one side, then a pause, for her to nod or turn away. It’s just science, really it is, but in that moment, when his warm lips meet hers, she almost forgets. They move to the bedroom.

‘I need to hear you say yes,’ Luke says, his fingers on the curve of her waist.

‘Yes.’

‘Are you sure? We don’t have to do this. I’m happy to wait.’

Lizzie is impatient then. A woman’s pain-killing response is triggered during orgasm and she badly needs some oblivion. ‘Yes. Now. Please.’

Luke smiles at her and drops to his knees, and for a brief moment, everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

Later, when Luke is asleep, Lizzie carefully untangles herself from him, gets dressed and goes into the bathroom to tie her hair into a ponytail. Then she opens the compact mirror with the bluebird on it and takes out a blade.

She uses the side of the bath to rest her leg on and pushes the razor into the skin at the top of her thigh. It bleeds well here and heals well too. Luke won’t be expecting a repeat performance any time soon, and if he does, she’ll tell him she’s bleeding. It won’t be a lie.

The blood flows fast and warm. She’s gone deep and has to take her leg down and lean against the bath as her head spins. She lets it bleed for as long as she dares, as long as she can bear it, before she stems the flow. She’s quick and efficient with the alcohol and the Steri-Strips. The homeless man was right. She’d make a wonderful doctor.

Dan

(Paris is lovely in the spring)