Afterwards he floats back to earth, coated with a smear of shame and the discombobulating sense that something changed while he was away and he can never go back. He is sure everyone is looking at him and he hates it. Wants to hide away in a small space and stroke his dog until people forget about him. Until he forgets about himself.

He remembers, as a boy, how his mum would march along the pavement, always in a hurry. Dan’s legs were too short to keep up. ‘Wait, please,’ he’d say to her, but she never listened. She had things to do and places to be, and Dan eventually just learned to walk faster. That’s how he feels now. Like a little boy trying to keep up.

‘It’ll be fun.’ Atticus raises an eyebrow and Dan blushes at all the things the gesture has come to mean.

‘I know. I just … I’m tired. It’s been a long week.’

‘That’ll be all the training, wearing you out.’ Here it comes, thinks Dan. Atticus has mentioned this before.

‘I don’t know why you’re bothering. It’s just a load of men in Lycra … Actually, that bit sounds good.’ He looks at Dan and they smile before he carries on: ‘But what does it actually mean? Who do you need to prove yourself to?’

‘No one. It’s not like that.’ Dan tries to explain: ‘I just want to know that I can do it, and I want to do it well. I like it, the training and the pressure. I don’t know …’

‘I don’t know either. All that time you’re wasting when you could be spending it with me.’ Atticus sounds like a sulky child. It’s almost adorable.

‘It’s not for much longer. I promise.’

‘And then what? Another Ironman? A Goldman?’

‘There’s no such thing.’

‘It really means a lot to you, doesn’t it?’

‘Yes. Sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry. It is what it is. You want to be able to swim in the sea for miles, cycle for even more, then run a marathon. You can bear the pain and exhaustion. You just can’t bear to be seen in public with me.’

‘Atticus …’

‘Please don’t deny it, Dan. I’m many things, but I’m not stupid.’

‘I’m not ashamed of you,’ Dan whispers fiercely, and Atticus frowns.

‘That’s the saddest part of it all. I could handle you being ashamed of me. You’re ashamed of yourself, and that’s the bit that hurts.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Hide me, deny me, but don’t lie to me.’ Atticus isn’t that much older than Dan, but in that moment, he sounds like he’s lived a thousand lifetimes.

‘I’m so sorry.’ Dan’s voice is a whisper.

‘Don’t be. Just tell me what I can do to help you.’