Now he felt an overwhelming need to speak to his brother, but he couldn’t. Tom hadn’t spoken to him face to face since the day he had hurled insults and recriminations at him for causing them all so much pain, but he knew Jack had hacked his home computer. He could tell Jack was watching, listening, because folders were sometimes moved on his desktop. It was Jack’s way of letting Tom know that he was still there. So tonight, as Louisa was working, Tom was going to get a message to him, something he did infrequently and at irregular intervals because, although he didn’t believe anyone could detect how they were communicating, it wasn’t a good idea to make a habit of it. Better just to know that Jack was alive than to risk everything for the pleasure of this one-sided communication.

He had a folder called ‘Jack’ on his desktop, filled with images of the two of them over the years. Tonight he would create a document in that folder telling Jack all that had happened recently – perhaps about Louisa and his dilemma but also about Nathan’s visit. He always wrote as if it were a personal diary. ‘A friend of Jack’s came to see me today,’ or, ‘Something happened today that I think Jack would have enjoyed,’ rather than addressing the content directly to his brother. It was better to be safe.

As he walked into the house, he felt his spirits lift a little. He would give anything to get together with Jack for a few beers to argue about music, politics and the difference between right and wrong, as they always used to. That wasn’t possible, but although he might not be able to see or talk to him, it would feel good to know that his brother was listening.

CHAPTER 26

26

I’m going nowhere this morning.

Much as I had wanted to go into town to try to restore some kind of order to my life, I can’t bring myself to get out of bed. I’m lying here shivering, even though the room is warm. I don’t know what happened to me last night. From the moment I discovered my boots had disappeared, everything seemed to collapse.