The door opens slowly, silently, and I look beyond the figure blocking the light as if I have not quite noticed they are there.

When the voice comes, I know what the words will be, and I wonder if I can continue to be who I am expected to be. Will I give myself away?

But I have no time to wonder any more. The words I have been dreading are spoken in a low voice.

‘Are you ready, Judith?’

CHAPTER 8

8

I’ve been on the boat for five days now, and I’m beginning to feel settled. Thea, the older lady who smiled at me so kindly on the first night, has been keeping an eye on me. She makes sure I’m not left floundering and is adept at changing the subject when she sees that I’m uncomfortable with Donna’s nosiness. We always share a look of understanding as the heat is drawn away from me.

Paul – or Eagle-Eye, as I’ve come to think of him – is the one person who still bothers me. We all gathered on deck last night for a pre-dinner drink and he was there, talking to Thea. He kept glancing over, and I could see he wanted to speak to me, so it came as no surprise when, after five minutes, he wandered across.

‘Have you been on any other interesting holidays recently?’ he asked. His voice was clipped, almost as if he was challenging me.

‘No, I’m afraid not. I’ve been a bit boring until now. It’s the first trip of this kind that I’ve taken.’

‘What about other types of holiday – in the UK, maybe? Lots of women your age seem to like going on retreats – yoga, well-being, that sort of thing. Have you ever done anything like that?’

His gaze was intense, as if he was trying to catch me in a lie. It felt more like an inquisition than a casual conversation, and Thea must have sensed my discomfort. She was watching me, and I saw her brow furrow for a moment. She strolled over and tapped Paul on the forearm. ‘Paul, I was meaning to ask if you’ve been to China. It would be wonderful to speak to someone who knew something about the country.’

Paul gave me one final hard look and then turned towards Thea. I was able to relax again.

I’m hoping I don’t end up alone with him at any point, although I don’t know why he bothers me so much. Maybe I just don’t feel at ease around men right now.