I will take the trainers and coat from the back porch, but I still won’t have money or food and I can’t risk going into the main part of the house. How can I go into a shop anyway, with my picture all over the place? My plan had been to walk slowly through the house to see if I could conjure up any memories of what happened that night. But I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that. Even if the police have gone, they could come back at any moment.

I give it another fifteen minutes or so and decide that I have to leave before my limbs seize up completely. I edge out of the bathroom and tiptoe towards the kitchen door. I can hear nothing. I want so much to open the door, to go into my house and lie on my bed, to sleep, to have a shower, to find some food. But I can’t.

I know I should walk up to one of the policemen outside and say, ‘My name is Callie Baldwin and I killed Ian Fullerton,’ but I’m not ready. I can’t bring myself to admit what I have done.

CHAPTER 51

51

The two women sat at the same table, in the same chairs, as they had done every day for months, the bulb that hung down from above casting its dim yellow light on their faces. The only time they saw daylight was when they went upstairs to clean.

But today was different. This morning Thea hadn’t come for them. She hadn’t brought down their breakfast, and last night she hadn’t come with their flask of cocoa. Hannah felt dreadful. Her muscles were stiff and aching, and she felt a wave of anxiety rising, threatening to engulf her.

The other woman, whom Hannah still thought of as Judith, was irritable and kept rushing to the bathroom. She said she had been sick.

‘Where’s Thea?’ she asked. But Hannah had no answer.

What they both needed was a calming mug of Thea’s tea. She craved it and felt certain it was the only thing that would bring back the stability that enabled her to cope.

More worrying was the fact that Callie hadn’t come back after her treatment with the doctor. That had never happened before. Hannah knew that he offered an alternative, a way out of life for those who couldn’t take it any more. The woman who had left the basement just before Thea and the doctor’s holiday had taken that option, and Hannah knew that the other Judith was ready to leave too. But Callie had only been here a few days. Would she have taken that decision so soon?

‘Where’s Judith?’ the older woman asked, and Hannah knew she meant Callie.