I no longer know what to think. I need Thea and Garrick’s protection, that seems like the only solid fact I can cling to. I constantly try to force a clear memory of what I did to Ian into my head, but it won’t come. Instead, my mind is flooded with images of Ian as he was when I first met him – when he was trying to be the perfect boyfriend. I see his mum, smiling at me, telling me how good I am for him and how pleased she is that he found me, and I think of how she must be feeling now that her son is dead. Maybe Ian was right. Maybe he changed because I changed.

Thea is waiting for an answer, and I can’t risk saying anything to upset her because I still can’t see any alternative to staying here.

‘You’ve been very kind, and I can’t thank you enough for sheltering me in your home,’ I tell her.

‘We offered because we don’t think you’re altogether a wicked person. We trust you, you see. But the doctor and I feel we don’t have your absolute trust in return, Judith, and that’s a concern to us, particularly to the doctor, who sets such great store by it.’

I’m certain she is alluding to the fact that I’m not taking the drugs. Despite my best efforts, it seems I haven’t been fooling them.

‘Before I take you to see him, I’d like you to drink this.’ She pours some yellow liquid from the flask into the cup. ‘It will relax you.’

I’m flustered and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want their drugs, but if I refuse to do as she asks I have no idea what will happen. Will they decide that my usefulness has expired, as Hannah explained to me? Maybe just this once I will comply. I can float senseless in a sea of calm while the doctor spins his psychological word tricks on me. Maybe it will be easier if I’m not myself.

I take the cup and sip the liquid. It tastes wonderful – passion fruit and mango, I think. But goodness knows what else is in there, and I flinch at the thought of what it is going to do to me.

‘You’ll start to feel calmer in a few minutes, and you’ll realise it’s for the best. Come on, let’s go and see the doctor. We’ve put a lot of thought into creating an ambience that will put you at ease, you’ll see. This treatment is wonderfully effective, I promise.’ She reaches out and gently strokes my upper arm in a rare show of affection. I stifle the urge to pull away.