As I close the front door, I think about running back for a pair of sunglasses and then curse myself for being so vain. Twitter isn’t the world, it’s a tiny percentage of ranting lunatics. Only 14 per cent of people use it—I’ve memorised this statistic and I comfort myself with it when being online feels particularly toxic. Are people looking at me? I don’t think anyone can recognise me from internet pictures with my glasses on and my hair up. Or can they? As I walk towards the centre of the train carriage, searching for a seat, a woman catches my eye and smiles. OH GOD. What do I do? ‘Sorry to bother you,’ she beams, ‘I just wanted to let you know…’ Oh, I’m going to be sick! ‘that your flies are undone.’

When I make it into the office, I’m half expecting a hero’s welcome. After all, this must have gone beyond anything that even Harri hoped for. Do I get a cake? But it’s weirdly quiet. Only Akila gets up and gives me a hug, as I stand awkwardly in the doorway. ‘Well bloody done,’ she murmurs. ‘This is huge! I was watching it last night, I couldn’t sleep. I nearly called you.’

‘I’m still in shock, I think,’ I reply. I try to breathe in slowly, but my lungs feel cramped in my chest. ‘What do I do, now? What does it mean?’

Akila takes a step away from me, and frowns, thoughtfully. ‘This must be…a lot for you to take in. We’ve been so focused on the numbers…’ that they hadn’t factored in the human at the other end, I think. She continues. ‘Anyway, there have been a lot of media requests. Harri is in emergency meetings with the press team! They’re a bit reluctant because they’ve got to run everything by America, and Mackenzie is quite cautious. Her attitude is very much “if we’re in the news, it’s bad news” but I think Harri will persuade her. Hopefully you’ll get to go on Woman’s Hour! Good Morning Britain! Maybe even This Morning!’

I really, really don’t think I want to go on Good Morning Britain.

Tabitha has been watching us from her corner of the office. She’s like a cat—silent and stealthy, but when she wants to be present, she’s really present. ‘Won’t this all die down in an hour or two? It’s not such a big deal, there will be something else coming along in the next day or so. Everything is viral, these days.’ She smiles, and there’s more than a whisper of cruelty to it. ‘I’d hate for poor old Imogen to get her hopes up.’