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Back Careering Save as PDF
Chapters (64)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-One
  45. Chapter Forty-Two
  46. Chapter Forty-Three
  47. Chapter Forty-Four
  48. Chapter Forty-Five
  49. Chapter Forty-Six
  50. Chapter Forty-Seven
  51. Chapter Forty-Eight
  52. Chapter Forty-Nine
  53. Chapter Fifty
  54. Chapter Fifty-One
  55. Chapter Fifty-Two
  56. Chapter Fifty-Three
  57. Chapter Fifty-Four
  58. Chapter Fifty-Five
  59. Chapter Fifty-Six
  60. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  61. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  62. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  63. Epilogue
  64. Acknowledgements

The euphoria lasts for about ninety seconds, until I stop and realise that Harri is not my only reader. This is about to go out into the world, for everyone to read, with my name on it. The anxiety buzzes and builds. I’m starting to feel as though I might be sick, not imminently but soon, if I don’t go out and get some fresh air. I’m fine. I just need a glass of water. Then Harri comes over to check some details. ‘Just had a thought—I’m assuming you’ve changed the names? If not, we’ll need to swap those out, maybe add a line about the location, do a couple of tweaks—we’re just making sure that there’s no way anyone recognises themselves, or can be recognisable. But this is such a fantastic piece—it’s so strong. I’m thrilled with it.’

Now the sick might be imminent. ‘Is it likely that anyone will be able to recognise themselves?’ I don’t want to ask her my most pathetic question—am I going to get into trouble?

She smiles. ‘Do not worry. It’s my job to be really anal about this stuff,’ she smirks. But even if you gave everyone’s last names and birth dates, it’s massively unlikely that they will come across it, in the giant internet sea. I think this is going to do well for us, but we’re still pretty small fry at the moment. The Girl is gonna love it.’ Not The bloody Girl, again. I’m starting to feel as though I’ve been landed with an imaginary nemesis. Harri misinterprets my frown, adding ‘But it’s OK, Tyler and Russ are not our Girl, and Alllison with three ls definitely isn’t her. You’re fine.’

Methodically, we work out a few tweaks and swaps, and after ten minutes I notice that my breathing has slowed back to normal, and I no longer feel the need to leap up from my desk and retch out of the window. We’re small fry. If I’m lucky, this will be seen by a few hundred unfazed readers who attend weekly chemsex orgies. They’ll get bored and stop reading before my knickers come off. Harri likes it. After days of waiting, hoping and desperately trying to impress Harri, I’ve finally proved to her that I can write! That’s all I care about.

For the next hour or so, I wonder whether this will make me, or break me. In my imagination there is nothing in between, which is ridiculous.

My piece goes up and out into the world. I’m waiting for a thunderclap, or a metaphorical trumpet blast, announcing my work to the world. Of course, nothing happens.

*