When Harri is safely tucked away at her desk, in the grown-up end of the office, Kim sniggers again, and bops me on the head with the balloon. ‘Penis!’ he hisses. I squeak. Harri turns and gives me a sharp look. ‘Um, sorry, just my…shoe.’

I have almost composed myself when Tabitha arrives. ‘What happened in here? It looks like when you go into the bank and they’re promoting pet insurance. Still, good news for dogs, I suppose,’ she says, looking straight at me.

Her words always sting, but then, her outfits always provide a decent distraction from the pain. Today, she’s in a pale green bowler hat, with a matching tie and a white collared shirt. Over the shirt, she’s wearing a fawn coloured, thick woollen pinafore. Her tights are white, and her shoes are unusually conservative, for her—conker brown, shiny men’s brogues. In fact, for Tabitha, the whole ensemble is relatively boring, sedate even. I’d wear the shoes and the shirt, it’s really just the hat that makes it a little weird. I feel as though I’ve seen this look on someone before though. She reminds me of someone, I just can’t put my finger on who it is. Edie Sedgwick? Jackie O? Who wears a green hat? In the middle of Conference, it comes to me, just as Tabitha is banging on about going to Estonia for Tallinn Fashion Week.

She’s come to work dressed as Yogi Bear.

I have to bite my cheek so hard that blood fills my mouth, as Harri is saying ‘At the moment we really don’t have the budget, but I’m sure you can livestream it. Now, Imogen, what have you got for us?’

‘Errrr…let me have a look. There was something in the Mail about money saving tips, it’s doing the rounds and it’s awful, don’t have coffee, maximise your tax allowance—and I was wondering about doing something on real, useful money saving tips, where to get decent samples of things like shower gel and shampoo, how to volunteer to test things out, finding good student hairdressers anywhere in the UK, student dentists when it’s impossible to get an NHS appointment…’ I trail off. Louise is looking at me worriedly.

‘Student dentist?’ shrieks Tabitha. She makes the Dowager Countess sound like Danny Dyer. ‘Is that why you talk like that? Is that what happened to you?’

Something flickers across Harri’s face. She frowns, and the lines settle. Is she going to say something to Tabitha? ‘Sorry, Imogen, it’s like I keep saying. Think aspirational.’

She is not going to want my proposed guide to the best charity shops in the UK.

‘Um…um…they’ve launched a new lube?’

‘Who are “they”?’ replies Harri, gentle but steely.

‘It’s an American brand. It has particles that conduct electricity, somehow, and it’s supposed to enhance clitoral stimulation…’