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Chapters (64)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-One
  45. Chapter Forty-Two
  46. Chapter Forty-Three
  47. Chapter Forty-Four
  48. Chapter Forty-Five
  49. Chapter Forty-Six
  50. Chapter Forty-Seven
  51. Chapter Forty-Eight
  52. Chapter Forty-Nine
  53. Chapter Fifty
  54. Chapter Fifty-One
  55. Chapter Fifty-Two
  56. Chapter Fifty-Three
  57. Chapter Fifty-Four
  58. Chapter Fifty-Five
  59. Chapter Fifty-Six
  60. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  61. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  62. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  63. Epilogue
  64. Acknowledgements

That’s the trouble. I think it’s good. I think it might be one of the best things I’ve ever written. But I’ve never felt so exposed. I’ve tried so hard to be honest, and every time I try to edit it, and change a line, I feel differently. Sometimes, I am very proud of my words, and sometimes, seeing everything written down makes me feel extremely vulnerable.

Would Harri like it? Would it work for The Know? I reread it, hoping that it might at least inspire me to come up with some other ideas for the list.

My threesome fantasy got out of control—and I’m still slutshaming myself

It took me a long time to lose my virginity. Even after it happened, I felt very self-conscious about my lack of experience. Perhaps that’s why I slept with two people at once. To get my numbers up. I was worried that I was failing grown-up sex education, and I didn’t want to be bottom of the class.

At the very end of my first year of uni, my boyfriend—the only person I’d ever had sex with—broke up with me because he felt that our relationship was preventing him from ‘fully focusing on studies’. I think his dad made him do it. Being dumped is humiliating but being dumped for Physics is exceptionally bleak. He could have cheated with my best friend—or his best friend—and it would have been a little bit easier to take.

I thought my heart was broken, but now I realise it was my pride that hurt the hardest. My friend Rachel told me that summer was the perfect time to be single. ‘Go out, have a wild time without him, and when it gets back to him, he’ll miss you so much that he’ll beg you to get back together.’ Rachel’s idea seemed genius. The trouble was that it’s hard to have a wild old time when you live with your parents in Devon. Rachel suggested we both apply to Summer School USA—and become camp counsellors for wayward American teens.

We both got through the application rounds by lying. ‘Why do I want to be part of Summer School USA? I’m really passionate about the arts! As a British person I regularly read Shakespeare for fun! I can’t wait to help these young people find a new meaning in Hamlet!’ I couldn’t tell you the old meaning of Hamlet—the only line I know comes from Clueless. But I wasn’t going to say ‘Please let me join your programme, I wish to have promiscuous revenge sex with many college boys.’