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Chapters (64)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-One
  45. Chapter Forty-Two
  46. Chapter Forty-Three
  47. Chapter Forty-Four
  48. Chapter Forty-Five
  49. Chapter Forty-Six
  50. Chapter Forty-Seven
  51. Chapter Forty-Eight
  52. Chapter Forty-Nine
  53. Chapter Fifty
  54. Chapter Fifty-One
  55. Chapter Fifty-Two
  56. Chapter Fifty-Three
  57. Chapter Fifty-Four
  58. Chapter Fifty-Five
  59. Chapter Fifty-Six
  60. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  61. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  62. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  63. Epilogue
  64. Acknowledgements

Imogen arrives in time to catch the last part, and Harri feels her breath catch in the back of her throat. She smiles—is Imogen avoiding her eyes, or does she always make a beeline for Louise? What can she say to her? Please? I’m sorry? Harri’s dilemma feels heavy in her chest, sharp cornered. If she leaves, she’ll lose everything. Yet it’s the thought of staying that seems like a gradual death. Imogen is her Thelma, and in her heart, all Harri wants is for the pair of them to drive off the edge of the cliff together. But it’s easy for her to prepare to lose everything when she doesn’t really believe she has anything to lose, any longer. It’s different for Imogen.

If a decision is difficult, it usually means there is no right answer. There is no safe option. Whatever you pick will inevitably lead to gains and losses. All anyone can do is focus on those gains, and not what they might regret.

Harri hoped that by this point in her life, she’d finally feel wise enough to choose confidently, and well. Hadn’t she learned anything? Take the money, you can always quit. That didn’t feel right. Harri wasn’t a quitter. She was too proud. Even when she was drained, anxious, too tired to close her own eyes. Quitters never win. She was brave. She was famous for it. No matter how vulnerable and broken she felt, she kept showing up.

Had she? Or had she just been turning up, and staying numb? Was she fearless, courageous—or just trading her own happiness to stay safe, to maintain a broader status quo?

That wasn’t brave at all.

While Harri grapples with her conscience and wonders whether she can be as brave as Susan Sarandon, the real Louise is finally free, and able to start unbuttoning her coat. ‘Imogen! Guess who has been asking about you? You remember my friend Tristan…’ Harri feels herself zoning out. She mimes busyness. She tries not to think about anything. She’ll delete her junk mail. She’ll change her screensaver. She’ll avoid all human interaction for the rest of the morning, and then…

‘HARRI! Harri! Can I talk to you?’

Imogen is standing by Harri’s desk, hopping from foot to foot. For a minute, Harri wonders whether she has come to ask permission to go to the toilet.

‘Sure, of course, what’s up?’