–  Come on, sweetheart, come inside and I’ll get you a cup of tea? How’s that, eh? A nice cup of tea to heat your stomach? I was as sick as a dog every day I was expectin’. Come in, come in, sit down and I’ll get the fire up to boil the kettle.

I was shepherded inside and made to sit on the old sofa which was parked in front of the range. I had always loved this house but now its four walls tilted towards me, crushing me into the leather. Bridie banged about, shovelling coal and wood and rising smoke. I was home, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. A wave of the purest hatred rose up inside me for my mother. For my father I had a deep well of disappointment. They had washed their hands of me. They had sold me down the river and the bump with me. I drank the tea that appeared in my hand. Bridie had put a spoonful of sugar in it and she was right: it did heat my stomach. I felt it travel through me, warming as it went.

I had become someone’s wife. I had left home without even knowing it. Joe Loughrey had abandoned me and I couldn’t even hate him for it when it was my own fault. Kathleen and Eileen must have known but they hadn’t understood that I could be this dense with all my book learning. I was home – but only for tonight. One night only was all I would give to this sham; tomorrow I was going back to The Hill. Mammy couldn’t make my life any more unpleasant than it already was.

I’d always wanted to get away from The Hill but now I’m not ready. I want to be just along the hall from my brothers. Who was going to make Matthew milky tea when he was sad? Who was going to look after Mick if not me? I hadn’t said goodbye; I hadn’t told them to watch themselves. I’d be good; I’d not be seen or heard for all the months it took the bump to go away if Daddy would give me another chance, just one.