My heart lurched at the chapel where I had been christened, made my First Confession, First Holy Communion and my Confirmation. I had white dresses for all of them except this. My mother hooked my arm under my father’s and stayed behind me to block the exit.

At the altar there was the shocking sight of John Johns in an immaculate suit and white shirt. I knew I’d never see a more beautiful man. Not a single thought showed on his face as he was presented with a pregnant tart in pigtails. He could hardly miss the welt on my cheek. He could have anyone he wanted, anyone; why had he hobbled himself for me? I’d never have took him for a man who would willingly enter into a farce. I stumbled but Daddy kept me on track and gave me away. It was his job.

Father O’Brien gathered us all together in the sight of God and all but galloped through the ceremony; there was no Mass, a first for me at weddings. It was only a few minutes before we arrived at the exchange of rings and I suddenly understood that this man, this man who was respected by the whole townland for his honesty and frankness, had gone somewhere and bought these two rings. He had carried them in his pocket for three days and he had allowed the lying, two-faced priest to bless them. Now he was going to swear in front of Good Holy God that he meant it all? He had never spoken to me.

I’d always known that Catholics had a gift for hypocrisy, I’d witnessed that first-hand, but this was breathtaking. In that moment, I hated him more than I had ever hated anyone, Mammy included. He hadn’t asked how I felt about being handed on like a broodmare. He hadn’t saved me; he had saddled me. I started to shake. Mammy’s neck craned forward, Father O’Brien squeezed my shoulder. My palms were sweaty. John’s fingers were cool and dry as he cupped my hand to pass me the ring. I pushed it on; it was a perfect fit. The gold band he’d bought for me was too big.

A huge sigh went up after as my mouth said ‘’til death do us part.’ I hadn’t kicked, screamed or bitten and now I was right again in God’s eyes and so everyone relaxed before they were herded out and into the parish hall by my mother to have a sandwich tea.