I wiped myself with a flannel; it was cold which I was glad for. I put my nightie on and slid into the bed. Under Lizzie’s scrutiny I might have slipped up. She had a knack of rumbling me; she would know I’d been kissed but not how this time. I nestled down and waited for the warmth on her side of the bed to reach me.

Joe Loughrey would be none the wiser. He hadn’t been in the right place at the right time, that was all. If he had been in the right place at the right time he could have had me for himself, we would have been united. I would have been his and he would have been mine but now it was too late.

I’d done it. I’d done it and got away with it. I was over the moon, I’d broken out, had slipped Mammy’s net. I smiled in the dark ’til my cheeks ached. Auntie Eileen was right: it was lovely being a woman.

The next day it took Lizzie Magee nearly an hour to get rid of her rage at Joe Loughrey. He was useless, a waste of bloody space! I had been right all along; he was a tosspot, a wanker, a bollix! Did he not know how long she had planned this week. I shushed her and soothed her and told her it would be alright – there was plenty of time for me to dodge the virginity bullet. She would not promise to cross her heart and hope to die that she would not under any circumstances say anything to Joe about how LONG I had waited. So long she had fallen asleep! Oh, she was frothing at the mouth!

We both saw him at breakfast, all saucer eyes over the bowls of porridge, and he caught up with us as we set off to tidy our rooms.

–  Mary! Mary!

–  Wanker, tosspot, bollix!

–  Yeah, thanks for that, Lizzie! Mary, wait!

–  What is it, Joe? The bus is going to be here in a minute.

–  I tried to get out but that French bloke got in the way! I waited, Mary, but he stayed out in the gardens! Did he see you?

–  No, of course he didn’t!

–  We’ll talk about this when we get home, aye?

–  Aye, sure!

For him, home was a safe place: two darlings to dote on him in a rose-scented box. Memories reared up of Doctor Loughrey ruffling his hair like a pet dog. Joe got smaller in my eyes, and my heart ached. For the first time I could see past him but I still didn’t want to; I wanted him to be my whole horizon because I needed to keep my eyes fixed on something.