I would miss my husband every second of every minute of every hour of every day ’til I died. Growing up was bloody overrated. If I could have my time over again, I’d be more careful with it. I wouldn’t let it slip through my careless fingers like flour. Please Good Holy God and Bo Derek, can you hear me begging? Let this cup pass over me.

He was behind me before I knew it. Perhaps he would offer to drive me up the back lane and give me an hour some other day to return for the things I couldn’t live without. The photo of Bridie being kissed by all five of our children at once, her eyes sealed with laughter? Some seashells from various Sundays at Bundoran, a hairclip made of small misshaped pearls from Lizzie Magee, my postcards from all the countries I would never set foot in? The small gold band I had slipped off my finger a year ago because I knew I didn’t deserve it? It was hanging on a silken ribbon that I had tacked to the bedpost.

I was shaking so much I should have been giving off a sound. His big hands came down on my shoulders to steady me, resting lightly at first before he traced my collarbones and ran his fingers down my arms. He lifted me from the chair and turned me round so he could see what kind of animal he was going to have to deal with. Would he give me time to hug Ginger goodbye? I couldn’t take him with me, a cat would not be tolerated at The Hill.

I looked like sin, as usual! I had dark hollows under my eyes and a sore lip where I’d bitten straight through it, trying to stem the heartbreak. He traced the shape of it with his thumbs, wiping away my tears. His face was impossible to read as he stood with his back to the glow of Johns Farm but his body was an open book.

–  I’ve missed you, Mrs Johns.

–  I’ve been here all along …

–  Could I stay, d’you think?

My God! What was he saying? Was he saying he wanted to stay for the night? Was he asking me if it was alright if he bunked out in the milk house? Did he want to stay here but without me? Did he want me to join him under the eaves – because I would, I would in an instant?

–  I could think of worse men! A lot worse!

–  So, you can see your way clear to giving me a place to lay my weary head?

–  You can lay it on my heart where it belongs.

–  For how long?

–  How long have we got?