Ah, I love Ireland. It’s the only country in the world where a plate of spuds and some overboiled beef brisket can compete for importance with any major life event. That a pot of stew might have to be put out to the hens was a moral dilemma no one could sanction.

–  That’s very kind of you, the boys can wait here. I’m going to get changed and make my call and then I’ll be back. Does that suit?

–  That suits, that suits, whatever suits you is best, Mary darlin’!

–  Jesus!

–  Don’t take the Lord’s name in —

–  SHUT UP, MAMMY!

Everyone jumps, including Daddy who spills his tea. I fix my boys with a stare that says don’t question me or my decision or I may just explode and they all duly back off. As I walk away, I feel something hitting me and look back just in time to see Mammy recork her really big bottle of Holy Water from Lourdes. So, I’m blessed once more.

I walk on and down the long lane. The whitewashed wall that runs along the side of the orchard is ahead and to every side the animals are carrying on with their lives. I notice that the Charolais need to be moved to the next section of the hill field, because they have grazed it down to lime green, and bend double with a glancing pain in my stomach when I realise that I won’t be telling John, I’ll be doing it myself. I stumble on for the house. I’m glad for Bridie that she’s not here to suffer this.

The phone rings and it’s Auntie Eileen. Seems Mother Dear has been extremely busy spreading the bad news as far and as wide as she can in one short day and she’s not exactly been shaving the truth. I tell Eileen I can’t talk right now because there’s a lot of words I can’t force out of my mouth – broken, disabled, alone, love – and she says she understands.

I put the phone down and lift it quick before anyone else gets through. I’ve never rung a big hospital before and the many silences and clicks it takes to get through to the right ward stretch out the minutes before I speak to a nurse. My husband is comfortable, I cannot talk to him because he’s been sedated. We can visit any time we want but he may be missing from the bed a lot as he’s due for many more X-rays and other tests.