I only spotted Serena whispering with Auntie Eileen a few minutes before she ripped another hole in my heart. Tell her, go on, it’s not going to get any easier, says Eileen, I’m going out for a fag. Serena had changed her mind about finishing her A levels and following Nora Reilly like a duck. She was done with school.

–  We’ll see what your father has to say about this, Serena Johns!

–  He already knows, Mammy!

Dada and her had already discussed it. God, I was sick to my stomach of always being bloody second best! What right did he have to decide anything about her future? She was mine, mine alone. I had given up my life because of her. Because it’s a tradition, I burst into tears instead of coming up with any of the thousand reasons racing through my head why she should do what I had failed to do. She had a place in Belfast’s Jordanstown to do a foundation course in art and I was immediately terrified about how safe it would be but she couldn’t be put off.

I was quickly on to how worried I was about ‘art’ as a good career choice. She moved closer to John and they both looked at me with pity. I knew nothing that could be of any use to her … or him. He stood by her decision when I was panicking that she wouldn’t be able to make a living; surely she should be a teacher or something sensible? Jesus, sensible! Sensible was the worst word I could have picked; they both looked at me as if I’d just crawled out of a cave.

She leaned into him, her protector from day one. He said no, no, she was to do what she wanted and anyway he at least had been to London and I hadn’t been past the front stoop even though the door wasn’t exactly locked. I felt a fine needle of resentment for him push its way through my shoulder blades but I managed not to scream from the rooftops that she wasn’t his. Apart from anything else, the boys didn’t know and the dawn of a new year wasn’t a good date to find out that your mother was a tramp. My darling family rode to the rescue over the next few months.

–  What odds as long as she’s happy? says Kathleen.

–  That child will do well whatever she does, so stop worrying yourself sick about her! says Eileen.

–  Isn’t it great she knows what she wants? says Bridie.

–  I’m not surprised she’s let you down! says Mammy. What did you expect of such weak material? After all, she’s your daughter!