Granny Moo stood in the new doorway between the house that Johns Farm had been and the house it had become. She put her finger to her lips to stop me from screaming and then she pointed at the kitchen. I jerked my head around as headlights swept the length of the wall. John Johns had come home and when I looked for the messenger she was gone. I was quaking in my boots when he walked in looking bigger and more alive than ever. I could see the pulse in his neck, thick with blood.

–  You’re back.

–  Yes.

–  I thought you’d probably go for a pint at O’Carolan’s instead of doing the drive twice.

–  I went in but Scrumptious Connolly can never let me pass. He was wondering when I was going to have some waynes of my own.

John Johns’s mouth was dry; he licked his lower lip. Two seconds, three, four, five … I made for the upstairs bathroom and the lock on the door. He was outside by the time I’d bolted the door and slid down under the glass top to hide myself.

–  Jesus, Mary, we can’t go on like this – two dry husks moving around each other! Mary, open the door, please. Mary? MARY!

–  I can’t!

–  Let me in, please …

I couldn’t answer; what would I say? If I broke now I’d have to admit that I was fine to stay here in this day-in, day-out, every-day-the-same farming life. He could hear me thinking.

–  Mary, you can’t keep me out forever!

–  I can and I will!

He knocked his forehead gently against the glass before he walked away.

Bridie was already up and at the old range in her new kitchen boiling the kettle when I got dressed. I stood beside her trying to avoid her eye. I had to speak, although it seemed like my voice was coming from someone else, someone who sounded like they were in a deep hole.

–  How was the bingo?

–  Grand, grand, same crowd as always. It’s not the same without wee Serena, is it?

–  No, it’s not the same.

–  Children are a gift from God, they really are …

–  I know that.

God! If only she knew how much I wanted to have another baby. I’d give my eyetooth for one, or two or twenty! But I’d have to do it with John Johns. It seemed totally impossible. Me and him? Together, like that? My whole body started to shake at the very thought of it. I’d probably die of embarrassment. He would see me with no clothes on. The very thought of his Body Part A coming anywhere near my Body Part B sent it into a tailspin. Bridie sniffed a few more times and finally got enough of a hold on herself to voice what was making her snivel, like I hadn’t been able to figure it out.