PIC 1: Yes, as predicted, the golden boy—well, man… he is forty, after all, but it doesn’t have quite the same ring—has indeed returned! Elliott Palmer, once the pride of the Juniper Shores Marlins, fled (for his life?) after a reportedly traumatic breakup with Alice Bailey—who seemed to have landed the whale—nearly a year ago. Speaking of rings… is he back for the Black Widow? Or back to his playboy ways?

PIC 2: From headline sponsor to MIA… Everyone’s favorite Mommy Blogger was notably absent from her chairwoman position at this year’s Save the Turtles Tea. Did she have a fall from, well, Grace? Or are outside activities not allowed at the mommune? GWG, DM us for deprogramming!

PIC 3: Spotted! The oh so glamorous and almost too beautiful Charlotte Sitterly, leaving the county jail in an ultra-chic sheath and oversized sunglasses that practically scream Stand by your man! After being noticeably absent at his arraignment, it would now appear that Charlotte is officially Team Bill. So, what does that mean about his guilt… or innocence? And when does this poor woman get her house back? Did she know about the crime? Was she in on it? So much to uncover. One of our sources says that Charlotte Sitterly was actually the mastermind, and Bill took the fall for his wife. (We get it, Bill; she’s a fox.) But all we can say is: innocent until proven guilty.

PIC 4: Plus, we have a bigger question: Who was the hunky Brit driving Mrs. Sitterly home? If he’s your new paramour, we say, more power to you. If not, be a doll, Char: Send hunky Brit our number!

TNT (’Til Next Transmutation, i.e., converting joint property into sole property for our beautiful Charlotte, we hope, God willing…)

JUNIPER SHORES SOCIALITE

Charlotte Most Powerful Woman in the Room

I was already beginning to love the flurry of the mornings at the mommune. All the kids together, Alice being the one to nag them about plans and whether they had everything they needed. Julie had told me that the key to life here was to pretend that you were at summer camp. Grace, Julie, and I were the counselors-in-training, Alice was head counselor, and the kids were campers. Because if you thought about it too much, Juniper Shores Socialite—who had, for better or worse, become the running inner dialogue of the people—was right: living at the mommune was weird. A bunch of grown women raising their kids in the same house? Unconventional. But if you thought of it like summer camp, then it wasn’t weird. For a brief period of time, we were under one roof, eating together, laughing together, making new friends that I hoped we’d have forever. It was great. If I could set aside the deep, painful longing for the man I loved, that is.