Ben was one of the only people in the world that I pretty much never felt awkward around. I mean, he was my best friend. He knew me better than anyone, so I never had to sit around and wonder if what I said was weird or if he took something the wrong way. And part of that was the beauty of guy friends in general. They didn’t jump to being offended. They tended to give you the benefit of the doubt. So that was why, even when everything was falling apart, even when the world felt like it had turned against me, I thought of him, I wanted to run to him. Ben was my safe place; Ben never let me down. And I had realized in my exhausted, devastated haze: That meant something. That was everything. And I needed to let him know how much it meant to have someone who was always there for me.

Or, well, that was what I’d thought. That might not necessarily be the case today. Usually Ben met me outside, but I didn’t see him this morning. So I stalked through the halls, avoiding the swarms of teenage bodies, and found him at his locker, outside his homeroom, talking to Lily Woods. She was flipping her hair, and I was surprised to find that I was suddenly, intensely jealous. Was Juniper Shores Socialite right about them? Ugh. What if he asked her to homecoming? The idea made me nauseated.

I had woken up this morning feeling like I wanted to give things with Ben a shot. Yes, I was worried about losing our friendship. But maybe that wasn’t a good enough reason to not see how things went between us. Plus, even though he hadn’t come out and said he liked me, he kind of had. I mean, things were going to be weird between us now regardless. The fact that he hadn’t waited for me outside this morning? Exhibit A.

“Hey,” I said, coming up to the two of them. Lily was giggling, and her braces were hot pink and her uniform blouse was, in my opinion, so tight it made her look super desperate. It would have made me feel slightly better if she weren’t totally rocking it.

“Hi, Iris!” she said.

“A Lily and an Iris,” Ben said, smiling at her but definitely not me.

Gag.

“Yeah. Flower names must have been in the year we were born,” I said, aiming for a bored tone but sounding maybe a little shrill.

If Ben noticed, he didn’t let on, because he didn’t. Even. Look. At. Me.

“See you around,” Lily said flirtatiously, giving him this little wave.

“Can’t wait,” he replied.

Can’t wait? Fine. Be that way. Cool. I took back all the thoughts I’d had this morning about telling him I liked him.