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Chapters (64)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 2008
  4. Chapter 1
  5. 2013
  6. Chapter 2
  7. Chapter 3
  8. Chapter 4
  9. Chapter 5
  10. Chapter 6
  11. Chapter 7
  12. Chapter 8
  13. Chapter 9
  14. Chapter 10
  15. Chapter 11
  16. Chapter 12
  17. Chapter 13
  18. Chapter 14
  19. Chapter 15
  20. Chapter 16
  21. Chapter 17
  22. Chapter 18
  23. Chapter 19
  24. Chapter 20
  25. Chapter 21
  26. Chapter 22
  27. Chapter 23
  28. Chapter 24
  29. Chapter 25
  30. Chapter 26
  31. Chapter 27
  32. Chapter 28
  33. Chapter 29
  34. Chapter 30
  35. Chapter 31
  36. Chapter 32
  37. Chapter 33
  38. Chapter 34
  39. Chapter 35
  40. Chapter 36
  41. Chapter 37
  42. Chapter 38
  43. Chapter 39
  44. Chapter 40
  45. Chapter 41
  46. Chapter 42
  47. Chapter 43
  48. Chapter 44
  49. Chapter 45
  50. Chapter 46
  51. Chapter 47
  52. Chapter 48
  53. Chapter 49
  54. Chapter 50
  55. Chapter 51
  56. Chapter 52
  57. Chapter 53
  58. Chapter 54
  59. 2023
  60. Chapter 55
  61. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  62. CREDITS
  63. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  64. What’s next onyour reading list?

There was one of Dad and Aunt Tammy as kids, double exposed so that their faces appeared to be echoed inside each other’s. One shot of Grandpa and Dad, when Dad was a teen, both looking directly at the camera with exactly the same curious expression on their faces. And a self-portrait of my grandmother, taken when she was much younger, her reflection floating in a window.

I heard Dad and Joan and Analemma coming upstairs, and Joan called, “Come and have lunch.”

Analemma dashed into the guest room and bumped my hand with her wet nose. “You want me to come?” I said, rubbing her ears with my fingers. She gave a soft woof, so I followed her out into the living room.

Dad had left his suitcase by the cold woodstove across from the purple velvet sofa. In the kitchen, lunch had been laid out on the round wooden table: a big bowl of salad with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, a take-out rotisserie chicken, a loaf of sourdough bread, and a pitcher of iced tea.

“Help yourself to food and let’s go sit on the deck,” Joan said, taking out plates and silverware.

I had only eaten a stale bagel on the plane, and as I watched Dad cut into the chicken, I realized I was starving. I piled salad and chicken onto a plate and tore into the bread, and Joan gave me a glass of iced tea. I took my lunch out to the deck, which opened off the kitchen and had a view of the Marin Hills through the trees. Gently rolling golden-brown waves beneath a powder-blue sky. It was warm but not too hot, and the air was dry. Northern California summer.

“Matty, you sure you don’t want to stay a bit longer?” Joan asked as she sat down.

“Sorry, I can’t,” Dad said between bites of his salad. “The timing has been difficult this year.”

He was being diplomatic, but I knew it was my fault.

“I have to get some work done today, too,” he said. “Do you mind if I use your studio to write?”

Grandpa had built an art studio for my grandmother on the highest part of the property, so that she could get as much natural light as possible. But after Grandpa died, she had moved most of her work into the house, into his office, which was on the third floor along with their bedroom.

“I haven’t been in there for a while,” Joan said. “It’s probably covered in dust.”

“I don’t mind the dust. I just need a room.” Dad took a swig of iced tea and looked at me. “Ari, you need anything else before I get to work?”

“No.”

“We can talk about your plans for the summer,” Joan said.