I listened to the Madchen CD on the way home in Joan’s car. Two of the four songs were fast and angry, a third was more mid-tempo, and the fourth was contemplative and a little sad. It was called “Twenty-One,” which made me think this was the song inspired by the Adrienne Rich poems.

The music was very different from Steph’s open-mic performance, but of course it would be different. At the open mic she’d only had an acoustic guitar. Madchen reminded me of Metric, but less polished.

I thought I heard Steph singing harmony behind Roxy, and then on “Twenty-One,” Steph sang the chorus alone.

You drove me to another place

To sleep in your arms

You said you waited for me

You said you chose me

There was something plaintive about it, as if Steph resented the person who had chosen her. Was it Lisa? Did it mean something about their relationship? I could spin a whole story out of those few lines.

—

The next morning, I listened to the CD again as I drove to Corte Madera. I wanted to buy some bigger brushes for painting, and Joan told me about an art supply store on Sir Francis Drake. I played “Twenty-One” on repeat until I had the lyrics practically memorized. You said you chose me, Steph sang over and over.

After I bought the paintbrushes, I stopped at the Starbucks next door for an iced chai. It was late morning by then, and when I got back to the car, the interior had heated up. I turned on the engine and the AC, and Steph’s voice came out of the speakers. I had parked facing Sir Francis Drake, and across the street I saw a sign for the Greenbrae Garden Center. It took a second, and then I remembered that was the place where Steph worked.

I could go over and say hello.

Immediately I felt my heartbeat quicken, as if I were preparing to commit some kind of crime.

What would I say?

She might not even be there.

I backed the car out of the parking spot and drove to the shopping center exit, where I turned left to head back to Woodacre. I approached the garden center on the right. It was a one-story building with a big fenced-in area in the back. Through the fence I saw rows of plants, bags of soil, stacks of pots, and then I passed it and couldn’t see it anymore.

I could go back.