I wanted to say Yes, absolutely, but Haley and I had discussed how to act around boys and decided we shouldn’t seem too eager. If you were too eager, they didn’t want you. “Maybe,” I said.

“Maybe, huh?” He leaned in a bit closer, and it seemed as if I could feel the warmth from his bare skin radiating at me. “We’re having a bonfire tonight on the beach. After sunset. You should come.”

My body buzzed with his nearness and the fact that this was happening right now. I was meeting a cute boy and he was interested in me and I was going to be kissed—I could feel it. “I’m here with my friends,” I said a little breathlessly, and glanced at Haley. She was laying out her towel with her sunglasses on, and I wondered whether she was watching out of the corner of her eye.

“Bring them,” Nathan said.

“Yo, Nate, game’s not over yet!” one of his friends called.

He glanced over his shoulder and then back to me. “I gotta go. But come out tonight. We’ll be right out here.”

“Okay,” I said, and then realized I’d agreed when I was trying to play it cool.

—

That night I wore a baby-blue sundress with spaghetti straps, and I probably should have worn a sweater because the wind off the Atlantic could get cold, but I wanted to look cute. I had washed my hair and let it dry naturally into waves, and then Haley sprayed some product in it to make it look “beachy.” I put on makeup—eyeliner because it was dark, shiny lip gloss to make my mouth look kissable—and I thought the girl in the mirror looked great, if a little nervous. I had never kissed a boy before, and I was well aware of my lack of experience. I planned to change that.

I went to many more beach bonfires after that one, but because it was my first, it stands out in my memory like all first experiences. I still remember feeling like I didn’t quite belong there with all those pretty, rich kids. I still remember feeling a little awkward when Nathan asked if I wanted to go for a walk down the beach, alone. I hoped that if he noticed the blush on my face he’d chalk it up to heat from the fire.