From Tash’s tone, I can’t decide if she thinks I should be leaping for joy or running for the door. Is she testing me somehow? Challenging me to decide if I want to have a corporate career or give it up?

“Consider it,” says Tash, standing and opening her office door. “Get back to me by next week if you’re interested in discussing things further.”

“Thank you,” I say, heading through the door. Pausing next to Tash, I lower my voice so no one can hear. “Regardless of what I do, I hope you go travelling and find what you’re looking for.”

Then I’m out of the office and back on the hot, noisy street. All I can think about is getting home, kicking off my uncomfortable shoes and feeding Rose. My boobs are about to burst.

40

“Leo is so fat,” exclaims Emma.

“He’s chubby,” I say, taking a bite of the bacon and egg pie she brought over.

Emma snorts. “Next to Rose, he looks like the Michelin man.”

Our babies are lying on their tummies, side by side on a rug I laid out on the grass under the maple tree. They’re naked, apart from the sun hats we’ve popped on their heads.

“Leo is going to be six months tomorrow,” says Emma, shaking her head. “Where did the time go? Actually, I take that back – I know exactly where it went.”

“I know what you mean. The last few months have been the longest of my life and yet they’ve disappeared in a flash.”

“How are you feeling?” Emma asks. “You know…”

“I’m good. The sessions with the psychologist have really helped. I still have the odd moment when I feel down, but usually it’s because I had no sleep the night before and I haven’t been taking proper care of myself. Now I recognize the signs and make sure I do the things I know will stop my low mood from developing into something worse.”

“Such as?”

I shrug. “Warm bath, a long walk, a healthy meal and an early night, hanging out with friends and family. The simple stuff.”

“Speaking of family, how are things with your mum?”

“Not bad. I talk to her most weeks and her last visit was fairly successful. She’s gone on a two-week camper van trip around the South Island with Will and Tilly. They look like they’re having a great time, according to Will’s Instagram posts, anyway.”

“What about Scott?” Emma asks, raising her eyebrows briefly.

I take another bite of cake, chew and swallow. What about Scott? How do I respond to that question? I think about him all the time. When he comes to visit, I never want him to leave. Rose smiles at him more than anyone else. He’s not the type of person I imagined I’d ever fall for and yet…