“If you ask me, you’re taking responsibility by being open and honest. Like I said at the start, I’m not expecting anything from you. I want to do this parenting thing on my own. That way, I get to make all the decisions,” I say, winking.

Elliot throws his arms around me. “That sounds more like the old Trish.”

Smiling, we pull apart.

“All right, cool, so I’ll maybe give you a call in a week or so, see how Rose is doing,” says Elliot.

“Fine.”

“Maybe I could bring Saskia round sometime, too.”

I can hear Rose crying somewhere in the house and I need to go to her. It’s such a powerful urge, I feel nauseous.

“Sure, Elliot.” I skirt past him into the house. “I need to check on Rose. Are you OK to see yourself out?”

I don’t wait for his reply as I hurry down the hall towards my daughter.

39

“I’m taking Rose in to work shortly,” I state, keeping my back to Mum as I slice of a hunk of cheese. I’m addicted to cheese and apple at the moment. After banana on toast, it’s the best combination ever. “They’ve been asking me to bring her in for ages.”

That’s not entirely true, although one of the girls did comment on a photo I put on Facebook asking when they’d get to meet her. And surprisingly I received an email from Tash a few weeks ago suggesting I pop in for a visit. I suspect she wants to check I’ll be coming back to work.

The main reason I’ve decided to go in to work is to get away. Mum has only been living here for three days and I’m already looking for an excuse to leave the house. She’s not doing or saying things wrong as such – if anything, she’s trying too hard. But I’m not dealing with her being in my life and she knows it.

“That’s lovely,” Mum says neutrally. “I’ll do a vac while you’re out.”

“You don’t need to.”

Mum presses her lips together. I know I sound harsh, but I can’t help it. I slice through my apple, the knife banging hard on the chopping board.

“Trish,” Mum says. “I don’t think this is working out.”

Ignoring her, I press a piece of apple and cheese together and take a big bite.

“I was asking too much,” continues Mum. “I can’t expect you to welcome me with open arms after everything I’ve put you through.”

Swallowing, I look her square in the face. “I didn’t think it would be so difficult.”

Mum nods. “I know.”