Tash throws up her hands. “Fine,” she says loudly. “Go.” She taps her keypad and scowls at the screen. “Better make the most of it,” she mutters. “You won’t be going anywhere after that.”

I leave her office on wobbly legs, avoid eye contact with anyone, get to the ladies’ toilet, shut the door and lean against it.

“Bitch,” I whisper, then I scream it again so loudly I’m sure everyone in the building can hear. “Bitch!”

Then I return to my desk, turn on my computer and start an email to Mark. In the subject box I type “Sydney seminar” and in my head I repeat “bitch” over and over.

15

“I’ve been worried about you,” Mags says, following me inside.

She rang last night and asked if she could pop in after work. I reluctantly agreed, then she texted me ten minutes later to say Emma and Lily were coming too. One friend I can handle – all three is going to be a challenge. Especially Lily. She smells evasion the way others smell McDonald’s – from a bloody mile away.

“I’ve been battling some bug and work has been a nightmare.”

I’m hoping we can get my issues out of the way before the others get here.

“What sort of bug?” Mags collapses onto the freshly vacuumed couch.

I’ve spent the last hour tidying in preparation for the arrival of my friends. I also made a stop at the supermarket on the way home so I could have a semi-passable fridge. Emma is bound to open it for inspection.

“Just a bit of a cold.” I hold up the bottle of wine I pulled out of my wine cupboard this morning. “Can I get you a glass?”

Mags assesses the bottle then shakes her head. “Too cruel drinking when you can’t. I’ll wait till Lily gets here.”

I place the bottle back on the coffee table and perch on the arm of the couch next to Mags. She looks tired.

“How’s it going with the girlfriend – Phoebe, is it?”

Mags nods. “Good, I guess.” Mags wrinkles her nose. “She wants to go travelling.”

“Where?”

She shrugs. “India, Nepal, Africa.”

I can’t picture Mags wanting to visit any of those countries. She’s a First World, creature comforts kind of girl.

“Has she asked you to go, too?”

“Not exactly.”

There’s a knock at the door and I let Lily and Emma inside.

“What the fuck is going on?” Lily states, pulling me into a vice-like hug.

I choke. “Nothing.”

“We’ve been seriously worried,” Emma says, waiting for her turn.

Lily releases me at last, and Emma and I have a quick hug, smiling as our bellies bump together.

“I’m fine,” I say brightly.

“Sure,” Lily mutters, heading into the living room.

Mags is stuffing a cracker with cheese into her mouth from the cheese board I rapidly put together.