“He popped in yesterday,” I say lightly. “Stayed for dinner.”

“And?”

I shrug. “And nothing.”

I’m embarrassed remembering yesterday. Rose was asleep and Scott and I were sitting on the porch drinking tea. All of a sudden, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I leant over to kiss him on the lips, but he turned his head away and I kissed his ear. To make it worse, he just stood up and started talking about some stupid rugby game and how he’d never really considered himself a rugby man before. I just sat there, my cheeks glowing, and I knew then I was hopeless. Hopelessly in love with a guy who wasn’t interested in a mildly depressed mother.

Emma looks like she wants to say something but is holding herself back.

“Maybe he’s giving you space while you sort out the whole motherhood thing.”

I laugh bitterly. “There’s space and then there’s wide open plains stretching as far as the eye can see.”

Emma stands and turns Leo over to start dressing him. “He was keen on you, Trish. We could all see it.”

I thought Scott was keen on me, too. Until he wasn’t. He’s different now: friendly, without a hint of anything more. Crouching beside Emma, I carefully flip Rose onto her back and slip on a nappy.

“Enough fresh air time for you, little one,” I say, blowing a raspberry on her tummy.

She giggles and all thoughts of Scott disappear. The love I feel for my daughter is so big and powerful, I struggle to remember how distant and unfeeling I felt towards her after she was born. My greatest fear is that I’ll somehow end up in that dark place again.

Emma staggers to her feet. “Oomph! I swear Leo weighs the same as Freddie.”

“That’s harsh,” I say, laughing.

“I’d better dash,” says Emma, slinging her bag on her shoulder. “See you on Saturday.”

Darryl has organized a surprise birthday party for Lily – a picnic at the reserve next to the beach, complete with a marquee and three-piece band. He’s invited just about everyone Lily knows and we didn’t have the heart to tell him Lily is likely to go berserk. It’s far too thoughtful and grown-up for her liking. But maybe she’s not the same Lily she used to be. Maybe she’s changed. I know I have.

“I turned down Tash’s offer,” I say, following Emma through the house and out to her car, Rose tucked on my hip.

Emma grins. “Excellent news.”

“And I told Will I’d help him out with the landscape business, see where it leads.”

Emma finishes strapping Leo into his car seat and gives me a hug. “Thank God for that.”