BooksBarbecue
Back When We Were Friends
Chapters (52)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. About the Author
  5. 31
  6. 14
  7. 31
  8. 14
  9. 31
  10. 14
  11. 31
  12. 14
  13. 31
  14. 15
  15. 31
  16. 16
  17. 32
  18. 16
  19. 32
  20. 17
  21. 32
  22. 17
  23. 32
  24. 17
  25. 32
  26. 17
  27. 32
  28. 18
  29. 32
  30. 18
  31. 32
  32. 18
  33. 32
  34. 18
  35. 32
  36. 18
  37. 32
  38. 18
  39. 32
  40. 18
  41. 32
  42. 18
  43. 32
  44. 18
  45. 32
  46. 32
  47. 33
  48. 33
  49. 33
  50. Acknowledgments
  51. Discussion Questions
  52. Booklist

“Just...my relationship with men. All men. This divorce. It’s just made me reevaluate everything. Who I am. What I’ve done. How I find worth... I don’t want anything to do with men anymore. I’m so done.”

Wow, she was saying it. She was finally going there and saying it. We were venturing together, hand in hand, to the Land of the Unspoken. My stomach could hardly take it. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to join her there. If I was able to handle the pain of what had happened between us.

“When Brendan left, I realized I had no one to scoop me up, nobody to turn to. No real friends, not really. I’ve never found it...easy, getting on with women. They hate me. They always have. I’m only naming what’s true.”

Oh God, it was almost too raw to hear. “Come on. Nobody hates you...”

“They did. They really did. And that’s the thing though.” Jessica looked at me, her dark lashes laden with tears. “Fern, you’re the only one who never did. You were...the best friend I ever had. And, I fucked it up. And then you hated me too. I know I fucked it up.”

There it was. The truth. Escaping in frozen vapor from her lips. We both knew why we’d lost touch. I couldn’t believe I was finally getting my apology, was finally getting to see her self-realization. I’d longed for this moment for so long, wanted to forgive her for so long, but she’d never apologized and given me a chance. And there was only one appropriate response to such vulnerable honesty—the same in return. I took a gasp, inhaling all the tears I’d cried over Jessica, all the grief I’d carried about losing her friendship. Not even losing it. Forcibly pushing it away, because she’d given me no other choice.

“You did fuck up,” I whispered, my own eyes now brimming with tears. “You really did.”

Her head fell, her hair obscuring her face, and I felt an instant surge of guilt. This Jessica wasn’t the Jessica I was mad at. Wasn’t the one I needed an apology from. “But, hey, come on. It was a very long time ago...”

She held up a hand to stop me, her face still obscured. “No, Fern. Don’t. You’re right. I fucked it. And, for what it’s worth, and over ten years too late, I really am sorry. Honestly, so fucking sorry.” My throat glued itself shut, the cold air caught in my mouth.