“Yes. She moved abroad but she’s back now. And, honestly? I have no idea why she wants to meet up. Things ended so badly between us, but she’s acting like nothing happened. I’m not sure I trust her...but then again, it felt lovely to see her again.” Hannah nodded, and kept her hands clasped. “And it’s brought back other feelings of how I felt when we were friends. Not such good ones...” I zoned out for a second, and tuned in to the murmurs of conversation coming from the listening pairs around me.

I could see Hannah panic in my silence.

She glanced up at the clock. “But you’ve still missed her?” she eventually managed, and I laughed.

“I have missed her, yes. I don’t know. With Jessica and me, it’s complicated. She’s complicated.” I leaned forward. “Can I tell you something weird?”

Hannah nodded.

“I’ve not told anyone about it. Not my best friend, Heather, though she has been working all hours to be fair. But I’ve not even told my boyfriend about any of it yet. And it’s been almost a week. He knows I’m meeting an old friend tomorrow, but I’ve not told him anything about her. I’ve never mentioned our friendship to him before she turned up. When I said, ‘Jessica,’ he was like, ‘Who’s she?’”

“And why do you think that is?”

I leaned back and my eyes, too, went to the clock. We were almost out of time, and I was glad. I shouldn’t have brought this up. Every sentence unraveled me further, shook dust off buried parts of myself and exposed them to light for the first time in years.

“I’m not sure. Jessica brings out these different sides of me. Some good, some not-so-good.”

“What kind of sides?”

An instant headache. Standing alone at a party with my arms crossed, watching her throw her head back laughing before lowering her lips onto a boy’s smile. The feeling of being spoken across whenever she was there. Invisible. Ugly. Looking at my reflection in the mirror and wanting to rip my face off and replace it with hers. The jealousy. The distrust. The rage.

I came back to the classroom. “I don’t know. God, aren’t we all stupid when we’re young? I mean, if we held everyone to account for the twats they were under the age of thirty, everyone would kill themselves with shame? Sorry, I’m sure you’re not a twat!”

Hannah laughed, then her eyes went to the clock. “Oh shit. Time! OK, hang on. Let me finish up.” Hannah took a breath and carefully curated her counseling voice. “Now, we’re just coming to the end of our time now, Fern,” she said, silky smooth. “Maybe reflect this week on what you’ve spoken about, and we can revisit in our next session. Yes?”