BooksBarbecue
Back When We Were Friends
Chapters (52)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. About the Author
  5. 31
  6. 14
  7. 31
  8. 14
  9. 31
  10. 14
  11. 31
  12. 14
  13. 31
  14. 15
  15. 31
  16. 16
  17. 32
  18. 16
  19. 32
  20. 17
  21. 32
  22. 17
  23. 32
  24. 17
  25. 32
  26. 17
  27. 32
  28. 18
  29. 32
  30. 18
  31. 32
  32. 18
  33. 32
  34. 18
  35. 32
  36. 18
  37. 32
  38. 18
  39. 32
  40. 18
  41. 32
  42. 18
  43. 32
  44. 18
  45. 32
  46. 32
  47. 33
  48. 33
  49. 33
  50. Acknowledgments
  51. Discussion Questions
  52. Booklist

“I mean, it was pointless, as he’s so in love with you anyway. And I never would’ve gone there, but...you weren’t going totally mad. I did try...a bit...with Ben. To see if he fancied me... It’s wrong. I know it was wrong. Even though it was nothing, I shouldn’t have even tried. That’s part of why I’ve not seen you... I needed to figure out why what you said hurt so much.”

I take a breath. “And?”

“And, well, I think there’s a part of me that’s always been angry at you. Jealous of you.”

“Jealous of me?”

“Yes. Of course. For how easily you make friends. How girls always like you. Girls always hate me, but I’ve always found it easy to make boys like me... I think, if I have to admit it to myself, I cling to what I can do to men. It’s the only power I’ve ever had...but the things they did to me revealed I never had any power to begin with.” She sniffs hard and wipes her eyes. “You’ve always had so many girls to turn to, to talk to when things go wrong. Whereas, you, Fern...you’re the only girlfriend I’ve ever had. It hurt, what you said, what you believed, after everything I’d told you...but it hurt the most that part of you was right. I couldn’t help myself. With Ben. Even though I promise it was just useless, pathetic, flirting.”

I let out a sigh and close my eyes for a second, letting the sun warm my eyelids, and letting myself feel all the things her admission makes me feel. The anger comes roaring out but is doused almost instantly with a calm, blue understanding. Because, what she’d said about me, not so very far from here, had hurt me a lot too. And the truth of it was what had burned the whitest scar. My utter incapability of seeing it from Jessica’s point of view. How I had judged her, from that first party. Even though I’d never said anything out loud, she must’ve felt it. As she got used, and recycled, and shamed, and discarded, when the boys just kept on using and recycling and shaming and discarding. I should’ve tried to protect her. Instead I made it about me.

“Thank you for saying that.” I look her right in the eyes. “I’m not angry.” I smile. “I’m not, but I’ll appreciate it if you try not to do it again.”

She laughs. “Never. I promise.”