“I want you so much.”

“She’ll wonder where we’ve gone.”

“I like Jessica, she’s hilarious.”

“I like her too.”

I was too high to be insecure. I led Ben back to our flat like a dog on a lead, smiling seductively in a way I never usually felt capable of pulling off. He kept pulling me back to kiss my neck, sending fireflies through my skin.

“Come on. We have to be good hosts.”

I was so horny that I was pretty annoyed Jessica was in our flat, and would no doubt want to stay up until the buzz wore off. But, when we stumbled through the door, she’d cleared all the dirty dishes into the kitchen sink, pulled out the sofa bed, and was wearing a pair of baggy pajamas with sheep all over them.

“You didn’t have to clear up,” I said, taking in this makeup-free, ordinary woman on my sofa. She was still stunning, of course, with her dark hair tumbling down her back.

“I’ve left things to soak, that’s all.”

“That’s amazing. Thank you. Do you want a cup of tea or something?”

“Honestly? Would you think I was the saddest person ever if I just crashed? Bridget is going to torment me tomorrow, and it’s already past two.”

“No, of course,” I said, surprised. “I’m tired too.”

Ben squeezed my hand, all don’t-you-even-think-that-you’re-going-to-sleep, and I squeezed back, the secret of our impending coitus sending another deep throb through me. “I’m going to brush my teeth,” he said. “Though I can’t really feel my mouth.”

We laughed, and I watched the way his arse moved in his trousers as he walked down the hall.

“Fern?”

I turned back to Jessica, distracted. “Yep?”

“You’re not mad at me, are you? For bringing the coke? I don’t know why I did it, why I got it... It was your dinner party...”

“It’s fine,” I said. And, in that moment, it was. In days to come, I would reflect on it and get angry about it. But, right then, I was glad. “I mean, Heather will be pissed off, but she’s always pissed off. I was surprised, I guess. I didn’t know you still...did stuff like that.”

“I don’t. I’m not sure why I bought it. I think I’m just...so bored of being just a frumpy divorced mum, you know? I miss feeling like how I used to feel, I guess.”

Jessica who held everyone’s attention. Jessica the lighthouse beam.

“...so, you’re not mad?”

I leaned over to give her a hug. Her body so thin in my arms, like a fragile baby bird. “You got everything you need? Blankets? Pillow?”

“Yep. Sorry I’m being so pathetic and going to bed.”

“Are you kidding? It’s almost three. I swear it’s going to take two weeks for my biorhythms to recover.”