BooksBarbecue
Back When We Were Bright and Beautiful
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. Part One
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. Part Two
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. Part Three
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. Epilogue
  68. Author’s Note
  69. Acknowledgments
  70. About the Author
  71. Also by Jillian Medoff
  72. About the Publisher

I end up staying three days, one more unbearable than the next. Everyone is busy, busy, busy. The celebration room has been transformed into a war room where Nate and Lawrence strategize like the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They’re on the phone with DeFiore’s team every day. Eleanor is in her office or huddled with the Bowtie. Billy barricades himself in his bedroom, sleeping for twelve hours at a clip. Occasionally, I catch sight of him from behind, hunched over his computer. No one has time for me; and if they do, it’s a cursory hello while they tackle more important business. Feeling left out one evening, I accuse Lawrence of avoiding me.

He sighs. “No one is avoiding you.” I exasperate him. I exasperate everyone with my neediness, my solipsism, my unwillingness to see that our family is under siege and my brother’s future hangs in the balance. I’m a selfish and spoiled girl; I need to back off. “We’re focused on the trial, Cassie. You said you wanted your own life. You can’t have it both ways, Princess.” The way he says Princess sounds snarky.

“Would love to, Cassidy Cakes,” Nate says when I ask if he wants to see a movie, smoke a joint, play Scrabble. “But Dad and I are lawyering it up.” Together, this implies. Without you.

Here’s something I didn’t tell Haggerty. Until he was six, maybe seven, Nate and Lawrence were best buddies. They spent weekends together, skiing, mountain biking, and tooling around town. But then I moved in, orphaned and traumatized, and seized Lawrence for myself. It never occurred to me that Nate might be resentful, or if the thought did occur, I ignored it. But when I left, and they reconnected, I realized that Nate must’ve felt an awful lot of hurt and anger as a child. The same hurt and anger I feel now. Which is the funny thing about families, no matter how much cake you have, someone will always feel starved.

* * *

After that, I stay put in New Haven, even though I’m not taking any summer classes. By mid-July, I feel less rattled. It’s blisteringly hot, but I cool off in the pool. When people pass by, I wave and say hi. Music plays in the streets. It’s like a soundtrack to the movie of my life, a movie I’m watching and living at the same time. Everything here is easy, or easier, at least. For one thing, I’m able to sleep.