BooksBarbecue
Back When We Were Bright and Beautiful
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. Part One
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. Part Two
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. Part Three
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. Epilogue
  68. Author’s Note
  69. Acknowledgments
  70. About the Author
  71. Also by Jillian Medoff
  72. About the Publisher

After our drunken night in the Bronx, Marcus cools off. Maybe Anton saw us. Maybe he didn’t. Doesn’t matter. Marcus decides it’s too risky. He doesn’t contact me for a week. Then two. I text Avery, suggest a movie. She ices me out for a day then agrees. “I’m sorry I’ve been so fucked up,” I say when we meet. “I have a crush.” Avery wants to know about him, what he’s like, where he goes to school. “He’s older” is all I say. “Doesn’t live around here.” We used to dissect every minute of every day. I know my lack of detail is hurtful, and I can feel her keeping a protective distance. But by then, losing Avery is the least of my problems. I’m also losing the rest of my life. Before Marcus, I was a superstar: straight As, Model Congress, Model UN. After Marcus, I hit the earth at full tilt. Unable to stop myself, I text him over and over and over and over: Please, I need you

Finally, a reply: Tuesday afternoon. Riverside. By the ducks.

My heart seizes. I text back:

They’re drakes

He doesn’t respond. And then:

Xoxo

I’m overwhelmed with relief. Which is why, in the park, when I lunge toward him, his refusal is so shattering. “No.” His voice is sharp, angry. “Stop it.”

“Stop? Why?”

“We can’t see each other anymore.”

“But you told me to meet you.”

“I made a mistake. I’m sorry.”

Marcus walks off. I’m left alone on the bench, with the ducks. Alone and exposed, alone and unloved, alone and unwanted. It’s not over, I decide. He’ll come back. I’ll just wait.

Months pass. I wait. I wait out his shitty business deals. I wait out his conference calls. I wait out his sad, sexless marriage. I wait out his cold, brittle wife. I wait out his porn and his hookers. I wait and I watch. I measure everything. I am hyperaware of any change, on guard for a sign. I learn patience, I learn endurance. I learn no one can wait this long. No one, not even me, the strongest girl in the world. I call him. I beg. “We love each other. Please don’t leave me.”

“This is over, Cassie. You have to stop.”

He’s still angry. This is my fault. Why did I come on so strong? Why did I force him to go to a bar? My shame and self-loathing curdle in my stomach. I wield them with gusto. I self-destruct. Drink too much. Smoke too much. Lash out for no reason. I call Avery an idiot, make plans and blow her off. Do it again. Then a third time. We’ve been best friends for most of my life, but I can’t stand one second in her presence.